Sometimes when you're in pain, you think that if only the person who caused you this pain was also in pain, then your pain would be lessened somehow (did you get that?). But it doesn't really work that way.

I know he's in as much pain as I am, and I just feel bad about it. I don't think he deserves to suffer just because his heart doesn't feel the same that mine does. He never led me to believe otherwise, I just hoped.

The hard part now is redefining how we relate to each other.

My instinct is to curl up into a ball and not let anyone in ever again. I have to work hard to keep my heart open. I'm putting up walls to mark the line between friends and lovers, but I'm afraid those walls might overextend themselves and cut off whatever it was that made our friendship special to both of us. I really don't want this to be a friendship that was ruined because we were more than friends for a while.

I really, really don't want that to happen.