Silly book. "Excerpts From Plastic and Zen: A Self-Help Book for Action Figures" by Matt Getty

Section 1.3-5 — Advice for the Lonely Action Figure
You of the chiseled features, the rugged physique, the clothes that fit you better than skin, the face that looks almost like some famous actor’s—how could you ever be lonely? True, you base your life on the heroes of action movies. The saccharine machismo, the kung fu grip, the painted over mouth that doesn’t ever open . . . Makes it rather difficult to meet that special lady someone.

Via RileyDog.