So my plan tonight was to 1) exercise, 2) do laundry, 3) clean the bathroom, 4) go to bed early. Depending on how long this takes, I may still achieve #4, but I doubt it, somehow.

Instead, I messed around on the computer, told myself it would be better to clean than to go to the gym late, had dinner, started watching a really bad movie, thought about cleaning, decided to balance my checkbook but got distracted into seeing if my books were overdue yet, and then reading about Leila's life. And then I thought, hell, we're already overdue for so many other things in life, let's just get it over with and I'll try to clean later on this week.

So let's see, it all started about two weeks ago ... I don't have crappy weeks often. Usually they happen when my hormones go wild, but this time they had help. On the 2nd, our office network was infected by a particularly virulent virus, and my computer was one of the major players in bringing it to its knees time and again. How? I don't know. I don't click on unknown attachments, I don't surf suspect sites ... I do not know how it happened.

But what it meant was a week of waiting for stuff to happen - email to come through, sites to come up, the day to fucking end. I'm not good at waiting. As I mentioned earlier, I did a lot of filing and cleaning and general gossiping around the office. We couldn't work, but we couldn't leave. It was one of the most frustrating experiences I have ever had. Then, sweet release, Friday came and I took the day off to go Home and visit my family and celebrate my parents' 25th anniversary.

The party was great, and everyone had a good time. Even me, and I was still in hostess mode. And then my parents ended my trip by paying me for the gift we had given them. Although I have regained perspective since, it really hurt at the time and I cried most of the 4 hour drive back to my apartment.

Then back into the office on Monday, where things appeared to have regained some normalcy, only to have all voice/data lines into and out of the city of Emeryville severed, so (again) we couldn't work. And we couldn't go home. And everything was already clean. And we were gossiped out.

That was resolved overnight, and we looked forward to a week of catching up. Then my car got hit in the parking lot at work. What looked (to me) like a cut-and-dried resolution has not turned out that way, and now I have to submit a written statement, a diagram, and photos of the damage. In the meantime, my passenger door doesn't close all the way, and there's a big gap where I imagine all sorts of things are entering to live in my car. I hate things living in my car.

And in the background of all this has been a low-level drama from someone I dated the week before this all started. I'm embarrassed to admit that we only had two dates that resulted in all this fallout. Apparently, I waited too long to respond to one of his emails, and was accused of keeping him as a "dirty little secret." I didn't think much on this phrase at the time, as I was just stunned at his reaction. A friend suggested, however, that perhaps he thought I was seeing someone else and was trying to start something up on the side. I laughed. That's quite the joke, considering how long I've been single.

However, he then started commenting on the site, making remarks that, really, only he would know about. So it was obvious that he knew about the site, even though I had never told him about it. And it became more obvious that he had known about it even before we stopped seeing each other. (This is where IP logging comes in handy.) It then occurred to me that perhaps he thought that the fact that I had mentioned a movie we went to see without mentioning him as the person who took me was significant. Like, if I didn't mention him here, that I was keeping him a secret. I'm not sure who he thought I was keeping him a secret from. My adoring fans? My huge readership? Hahahahehehehohoho. That's funny.

I have found this to be a common reaction among people who don't blog. They hear about this hobby, and although I try to explain that most bloggers really don't put everything in our lives on the web for all to read, you can still see it in their eyes, summed up in that final comment they make about how they can't bear to expose themselves like that. Heh. I have told people I don't know more about me in 15 minutes at a bar than I have in the 4 years I've had this site. Besides which, for many bloggers, it is a general rule that we do not mention people who are not online. We figure, if you're not already putting yourself in the public light, then we're not going to do it to you.

So there, Joe. You're not a dirty little secret anymore, not that you ever were to begin with. It's hard to blow people off who aren't there because they have already left to avoid being blown off. I am not in way blaming you for what happened, as I think the reaction is understandable and probably common. I was inconsiderate for not responding to you earlier, and I apologize again. I enjoyed my time with you and would have liked to spend more, but a reaction like that does more to warn me off than anything else you could have done.

So yeah. That's my past two weeks in a nutshell. Crappy. And I get to go to the dentist tomorrow. And look for more apartments. At least the network at work is still running. Oh boy, is it running. I could really take a break from email right about now.

DISCLAIMER: it hasn't been all bad. As mentioned earlier, the anniversary party was fun, Lucia had an excellent party, I got a good haircut (with a friend!) last week, and I saw Shakespeare in the Park last night with Jessa and friends and it was lovely and extremely entertaining, and I have met many many interesting people lately.

It's all in the perspective, and mine will change soon. I find it's easier, sometimes, to immerse myself in whatever I'm feeling at the moment, the better to move past it. This has simply taken a bit longer than I'm used to. I think the constant fog in summer may have something to do with it.

Still here? How are you doing? Long post, eh? Well, turns out I had a lot to say after all. Took me over an hour to write. Here, a baby picture for you. Ain't she a peach? A purple peach?


(click on the image!)