So this cottage I have rented in Waimea is fucking awesome. If any of you can get a flight to Kauai tonight, you can stay with me. I have 2 rooms. I'll come pick you up.

All you need to do in exchange is take care of the huge arachnid in the bathtub.

Edit: Ok, I have made sure it is no longer of this world, but it's still in the tub. All you would need to do is dispose of it.

PSS: that was the the most terrifying 20 minutes of the last 10 years of my life, btw. I hope not to have to do that again. Like, ever.