Archive for April, 2009
I finally figured out what my problem has been these last few months while getting out of the shower this morning.
Omg, I’m getting old.
Actually, it’s not the aging that bugs me, it’s that the age is finally showing. I mean, I’ve been aging forEVER! Like, for 37-ish years! But without the burdens of a house, a high-intensity career or kids (you know, the burdens of being a grown-up), it hasn’t really shown much. I mean, a few wrinkles here or there, lots more gray hair, etc, whatever, I still looked young-ish. Or if not young, at least not nearly as old as others my age appear.
With my recent weight loss, I have lost the plumpness that I think is what kept me looking younger than my age – I now see the wrinkles in my neck, of all places! In my forehead. Around my mouth (luckily only when I smile, which everyone knows I don’t do much). It’s those neck wrinkles that are really getting to me.
So anyway … with the life changes last year (diabetes! heartbreak!), and the appearance changes this year (weight loss! hair change!), the image I see in the mirror every day sneakily started affecting how I feel about and see myself, even before I figured out why I was so down. I always thought I’d be one of those women who would age gracefully and be ok with the signs of having lived a full life. I guess I just wonder if I’ve lived a life full enough to warrant all the signs of it
Now I just need a new source of self-esteem, since the mirror ain’t working out for my any more. Hmm …