Librarians, on sex, card catalogs, and bikes:
...
R: so now it's food you need? make up your mind. =)
M: Food, sex, warmth, it's all the same to me. If I can't have one, I'll take the other.
R: good to know. so your advice to men looking to get intimate with you is to *not* feed you and steal all your blankets. =)
M: Um, no, that's not what I meant. Oh dear, maybe that's my problem - I've been sending the wrong signals all this time!!
R: no. i think my last message to you was all about *my* problems.
M: I guess we've both got issues, eh?
R: don't we all? current issues, back issues, rare issues... yes yes we're all just walking periodicals
M: Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get indexed?? Then people might have a clue what they're all about :)
R: yep. access to a card catalog would help, too. =) that's what we need: The Librarian of Luuuv. hee hee
M: That's great! If I was more, um, active, I'd take the name on. But I don't really think I'm entitled to it right now.
R: that's okay. you'll get your advanced degree soon, i'm sure.
M: As for my advanced degree ... I think I'm out on that one due to the development of Alzheimers. I don't think I'd remember how at this point :)
R: ah, come on. it's like falling off a bicycle. Once you've learned how to do it...no, wait...i messed that up...

Oh, goody. I charged so much this last month on my credit card that they just sent me a letter to inform me that they've upped my limit.

Whoopee! Now I can get myself into even more debt, 'cause of my ... let's see here, "my continued loyalty and excellent payment history." Not that they would hesitate to sic Hera and Bane on me if I failed to make a payment, but it's nice to think that they appreciate my loyalty.

I thought it was a joke, but Despair.com really did it.

:-(

I guess that makes 7,000,001 now.

Ah, now this is the coolest. Take the test and find out who your Animal Blind Date will be. (thanks to Firda for the link.)

I think it's great what zoos are doing to increase patronage and interest. Although I am not a fan of zoos in general, it's better than losing the animals altogether.

By-the-by, my "perfect match" is a Peacock. They're beautiful, but "If you can live with his massive ego and are prepared to tell him how gorgeous he is, while he struts his funky stuff, then the peacock is for you."

I don't think so.

Ok, this is just about the funniest site I've seen in a while. And the comments just add to the humor: And The Bride Wore...

Thanks to Geno for the link.

How I rated on the Colorquiz, courtesy of Julie

Your Existing Situation
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Wants to make a favorable impression and be recognized. Needs to feel appreciated and admired. Sensitive and easily hurt if no notice is taken of her or if she is not given adequate acknowledgment.

Your Actual Problem
Afraid that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants and therefore demands that others should recognize her right to them.

Your Actual Problem #2
Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.

Um, makes me sound like quite the attention hog and the control freak, doesn't it?? But some of it sounds frighteningly accurate. I have to stop identifying with these online things.

The search requests get weirder and weirder. And yet many of the themes remain frighteningly the same, such as the obsession with sexy librarians, and any combination you can come up of girls, raves, pictures and shoes. And then there's the naked ex-girlfriend pictures. I just don't get that. If you liked her naked, why is she your ex??

Anyway, the point of this post is that I am going to start listing the good* searches somewhere to the right, so that I can keep a running tab on what is bringing people here, rather than to keep writing sporadic posts about it. Inevitably, something gets lost, and you just don't want to miss these gems.

*"good" as defined by me. Meaning, whatever strikes my fancy, makes me laugh, or grosses me out. Much like what I post here, whatever I think is worth saying.

I am so hungry, I'm chewing ice.

Yes, there's that other reason too, but it's mostly 'cause I'm hungry. Hungry, hungry, hungry.

Have I mentioned recently how cool this cd is??

It's way cool.

Wow. Someone is wearing A LOT of cologne this morning. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Hint: if you're not a fan of dijon mustard and would rather taint the temple that is your body with something closer to French's Classic Yellow, don't go to a health-food deli and order a turkey sandwich, with avocado, mayo, and regular mustard. Their definition of "regular" mustard is going to differ from yours. A lot.

Trust me on this.

Blech!!

Pointed here from Firda

Courtesy of plasticbag.org comes the Social Values Survey.

Turns out I'm a New Aquarian. As usual, lots of generalizing, and a little too nuts and granola for me, but I think I can identify with most of it. Especially the line "There is no being, only becoming."

Where do they come up with this stuff??

Ok, that wasn't all to come out of today. Here's a cute link to check out:
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Two Previously Known and Fourteen Brand-New Closing Signatures, to be Inserted at the End of Your Love Letters for Valentine's or Any Other Day

Amusing. Courtesy of Squirrel Bait

I am a firm believer that you give away what you need the most. Tonight I needed some physical contact. (get your mind out of the gutter)

To that end, I offered someone a backrub at the house. I did not do this with the intention of getting one back. Really, giving is as good as getting. However, as things turned out, I did get one back. In fact, I got two backrubs out of the deal.

We were thinking this would be a good theme for the next party. Yippee!!

Something I noticed during my backrubs was that, despite the level of insecurity I generally feel about how I look and feel to other people, I was completely unconscious of these things while getting my shoulders and back rubbed. Maybe it was because the moment was all about me, and I wasn't thinking about the other person, really, except in a "this person is now my best friend" sort of way. I don't know. I just know it was kind of nice to let go of those bad, inhibiting feelings for a little while and enjoy the sensation of touch between two people.

Here's to touchy-feely people. May people realize it's not a bad thing to reach out to other people once in a while - you'll both benefit!

Stellar Line of the Day:

The time has come for us to start making sex films for the family.

- Harlow

In my next life, I want to come back as an invertebrate. You know, something like a jellyfish, or a cat.

(I know, I know, cats have spines. But they're so darn flexible!)

However, my spine is a pain in the ass. And today I mean that literally.

And for those of you who may be snidely thinking to yourself that this may have something to do with my recent birthday, I'll tell you my back has been a problem since I was 16, when I was sliding across a linoleum floor in my Garfield slippers, fell, and couldn't walk for the next few days. So there.

Current Searches Worth Mentioning:
naked rave
ex girlfriend naked
dancing cheerleader skeletons
rave naked pictures
rave naked
"SEXY LIBRARIANS"
caught wearing diapers

Ok, the current obsession seems to be naked raves, and the pictures to prove it. Let's see, how many different ways can we word this request?? I know, let's ask a sexy librarian!!! Maybe if you're lucky, you can also score pics of getting caught wearing diapers, dancing cheerleader skeletons, and the perennial favorite: naked ex-girlfriends.

WTF???

Too much caffeine makes me very, very unhappy.

Well, I suppose if this job doesn't work out, there's always other opportunities.

Not that I would want to be the one in front of the camera. After all, the service is meant to continue, not cause people to throw up.

Pointed here from Ev and James

I find it interesting that in the sidebar to this story are these items:

Child poverty 'high in the UK'
HIV man guilty of infecting girlfriend
Plan to cut deaths in cold homes

Kinda puts the whole "quest for a perfect male face" in perspective, don't it? (By the way, this quest costs at least £20,000, and he's unemployed and looking for sponsors)

Thanks to Elise for the link.

Ouch!

Courtesy of LLD

Proof that things really don't change:

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator and writer (106-43 BCE)

Thanks to Steve for that quote.

Thundersnow. Sounds pretty darn cool. I bet it looks neat too.

A View From the Middle

"Lone Ranger in a subcompact. Superman in Birkenstocks and rumpled khakis. My hero. My lifeline. My Tech Support Person."

While Elise would buy 'em a sense of humor, I'd like to commend Rev. Phil Horrigan, the director of environment and art for the Archdiocese of Chicago, who already has one, and said "My devotion and faith are bigger than any single piece of art".

It's only three, but it's a start. I hope some of the women get a measure of peace from this.

U.N. Tribunal Convicts B o s n i a n S erbs in Rape Case

I just finished up a phone meeting with a group of Canadians. I don't know why, but it's so relaxing to listen to them speak. Canadian and Irish accents .... hmmm....

I can't believe I came up on a search for dancing cheerleader skeletons.

I think that one week has garnered me the most, and the strangest, search requests.

How do you adequately thank someone you don't know and have never met for sending you a gift for your birthday??

Most of those who sent me gifts are people I know offline, and I know I'll have the opportunity to give 'em a hug when next I see them.

But simply saying "thanks" doesn't seem enough somehow, and gushing, trying to convey the emotion behind the thanks, doesn't seem right either.

Well, to James, who sent me Shakespeare in Love and David Ippolito - It's Just Us, and Robert (who I have met in person, once, long ago, and has been so good at keeping in touch since then), who sent me Rose Daughter, the book I currently can't put down, and the anonymous someone who sent me A Suitable Boy, imagine a hug.

A real hug, not one of those hugs that only involves shoulders touching or like you're trying to hold onto something that's not really there. A hug, substantial and real. One that conveys that I really do appreciate your thoughtfulness, and how cool I really think you are.

I mean that.

Sometimes I feel this way. I guess web pages have feelings too.

Thanks to Dave for that pointer.

I picked up The Platters: Magic Touch - An Anthology the other day and I am so happy!! I got it because I love "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" - I didn't realize they did other songs that I love, like "The Great Pretender", "Only You (And You Alone)", and others, I'm sure. I haven't gotten all the way through the cd's yet. Workin' on it now.

J's Word of the Week: Nebulous.

Mine?? Internet Schizophrenia

At first, I thought it was just me. I would meet or interact with someone online and get what I thought was a pretty clear impression of their personality. Then I would meet them in person (no, not on a dating basis), and everything was different: how they related to other people, how they related to me, their mannerisms, etc.

Like I said, I thought it was just me and my ability, or lack thereof, to judge people. But I have discovered, through conversations with other friends who maintain online and offline lives that I am familiar with, that they have had the same experience.

Not that there's anything wrong with this. Some people are better (whatever that means) in writing than they are in person. There's a level of remove in print that is hard to maintain in person, and people might take advantage of it to express facets of themselves that they're really not comfortable expressing face-to-face. That's the wonder of the internet.

I'm just relieved that it's not my mistake, that I don't have to doubt myself when it comes to online first impressions vs. offline first impressions anymore.

Just so you know, this is how I really am. Just ask J or D or M or the other J. They'll tell you.

Words of Wisdom: You begin realize that what you are doing for TV, for the deluge of swill it mercilessly, endlessly pumps out, is entirely out of proportion to what it does for you.

Mmmm.... a large piece of chocolate cake (with chocolate icing, of course), cup o' tea, good cd, and book in hand.

The weekend just got a whole lot better.

I'm so glad I came in second on this search. What else is this website good for other than providing people with the information they need regarding raving naked??

Patti Ann has some good stuff today. Stuff I've been thinking about, off and on for a while now. As usual, someone else is better at verbalizing my thoughts and feelings:

"To be honest, I really don't care what they do with me after I'm gone. Funerals are for the living and I just want to be remembered for something good."

And so, I whirl away. I spin around in circles thinking of all the things I want to see and touch before my time is up. I think of the things I have done and how wonderful that list is ....

So many things... so little time... so little resources. So much easier to focus on the thing, the one thing that matters...

Find one thing, just one thing, left over from my time here that says, Patti Ann was here and she left her mark."

I sometimes wonder what my mark will be.

I don't have a heck of a lot to say today. Just thought I'd check in,using my parents' aol connection on their relatively slow computer. It's not soooo slow, but I am used to megacorp's ethernet connection, my company's T1, and my own DSL at home. Not to mention the faster processors and larger memory capabilities. Oh well, any internet connection is better than none, says my email-addicted subconscious.

Side note: if you're someone who likes garage sales, please take note if the person holding the sale announces a starting time. Generally, when someone announces a starting time of 9 a.m., it can be assumed that they might still be in bed at 7:30, or otherwise NOT READY to start selling you their junk. Just a thought.

I should be happy today. Giddy. Full of excitement. It's my pseudo-birthday, the day when my family gets to celebrate. (When the 14th falls in the middle of the week, the family generally has to wait till the following weekend to have a party.)

Instead I'm tired. And kinda lonely.

Maybe it's the weather. It rained last night and it's been hazy - not sunny, not really overcast - just yucky all day. Maybe it's 'cause I spent most of my birthday by myself - not that it was a problem then, but now I look back on it and it's kind of depressing to see how I spent my time. Maybe it's because I don't have many friends down here anymore to just hang out with. I don't know. Doesn't matter. I am going out this afternoon to make use of some gift certificates that I've been holding on to for about 5 years, then I'll go pick up my grandma and bring her to the house for dinner tonight. We'll have a wonderful time with family friends. Then I'll go back north tomorrow, to start another week.

I guess I did have something to say. Hope everyone in the US is having a nice three-day weekend, and that everyone else is having a nice two-day weekend.

I just commented to J that I haven't done much work today, but the little bit I did was very, very important. And it seems to have drained any brainpower I might otherwise possess.

That's my excuse for being dense.

It's been a good day. Dinah took me to lunch at Hunan Homes, where I proceeded to stuff myself full of good, good food. Lots of it. My problem with overeating is not that I am hungry all the time, it's just that I like food so darn much. Well after the point when my stomach has made it clear that I've done my duty to sustain my body's nutritional needs, my mouth is saying something along the lines of "but that was so good! just one more bite ..." and they have to roll me out of the restaurant (like Violet Beauregarde with the gum in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory).

I get to go Home in a few hours, to let my family celebrate my birthday....

... oh look! It's almost 5. Gotta go.

Why do I lock myself out of my apartment only when it's dark???

So much for that smug feeling.

Will and Grace just made a reference to My Fair Lady. I wonder how many people got it?? (I am feeling smug)

My friend has a guest to entertain and I miss him.

What a wimp I am.

Uh oh. Ric wants Edmond's monkey.

Psst!!

Pass it on: slower traffic keep right.

Someone sent me this card yesterday for my b-day. Anonymously. Very funny. Thanks for the thought. Here's to first times with experienced persons.

Please read this if you are simple

Thanks to Zannah for that link.

Elise, always interesting, pointed out two links I need to bookmark here (text is Elise's, links go to where she was pointing to):

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again; God must get really, reeeally embarrassed over his fan-base sometimes."

"How comforting! Seems that someone grew a brain stem and decided that, as regards educating our schoolchildren, relying solely on a book written a couple thousand years ago might not be the best approach.
So. The theory of evolution is back in.
Rumour has it that they'll be considering the "Planet Earth Isn't Flat After All;" the "Apparently, the Earth Orbits the Sun and Not Vice-Versa;" and the "Incest Can Be Hard on the Gene Pool and Besides That, It's Simply Not Very Nice" theories for re-instatement, as well."

It's my birthday!!! Or at least, it will be for a few more hours. I really wanted to have something for my visitors to see other than the previous post, but blogger was down this morning and I've been out and about all day.

Today is much better than yesterday. Let me tell you about it:

After taking my own sweet time getting my day going this morning, I went to lunch with a wonderful friend. Then we saw an excellent movie, which has inspired me to read The Odyssey again and buy the soundtrack.

When it was time for me to go, I decided to drive home by heading down the coast on Highway 1, from Pacifica to Santa Cruz. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. The sea was a very intense blue, with shades of green and gray. The sky was blue up top, with big, dramatic-looking clouds, and the sun was in the process of setting in the clear part of the sky, which turned most of the clouds pink and the western sky a brilliant gold. The hills are green from the recent rains, and the mustard and milkweed (I think that's what it's called) are in bloom, adding their own vivid yellows and blues and pinks. I kinda wish I hadn't been driving, so that I could pay more attention, but I liked the solitude, where I could turn Sarah up real loud and sing along with her during the hour-long ride home.

Then I went to the video store and found one of my favorite movies, and discovered that they give you a free movie on your birthday.

My mom, grandma, dad, and many, many friends have called and/or sent snail and/or e-cards to let me know they're thinking about me today.

It's been a good birthday.

Now I'm going to watch some movies. Hope y'all had a good Wednesday!

I'm going to cry soon.

... and a rose from a friend turns the whole day around.

I give up. I am in a bad mood. A really bad mood. Grrr..

Damnit. Another threat to one of my favorite activities.

Mighty Girl is mighty funny today. Mighty, mighty funny.

It's friggin' cold in this building!!

Got to work, took off my jacket, lasted about 10 minutes, put jacket back on. I could have lasted longer without the coat outside!!!

And the idiots who set my computer up did so without a mouse. How dumb is that?

No, I'm not in a bad mood this morning. It's just typical megacorp moving hassles. You'd think they do this enough they could get it right the first time.

I think I've been teasing Jish too much about his Canadian background. He told me to go here and learn something.

So I will. Tomorrow.

Word of the Day, as made popular by Edmond: Guff

There are no synonyms listed for this word. However, the definition lists the words below as part of the meaning (not to be confused with "word having the same or nearly the same meaning as another word or other words in a language"):

Nonsense; baloney; Insolent talk; back talk; bullshit, bull, Irish bull, horseshit, shit, crap, bunk, bunkum, buncombe, rot, hogwash, dogshit

I'm not certain I should be posting this, as at least two of my co-workers read my site, but I just took the Office Flirt Test, and it kinda follows the theme of the day.

This is me:

The Lizard
Retiring, friendly and totally laidback, you lounge around the office and tend not to be regarded as a player when it comes to office sexual politics. But then that's all part of the act isn't it? You know all too well who you fancy in the office but you never come right out and show it. That would just be too obvious. You prefer the slow build-up, using your easygoing approach to make sure potential targets are totally relaxed in your company before you make any moves. And when the moves come they are more likely to be outside the office and outside office hours. Not that you aren't putting in the groundwork all the while you're at work. Sometimes though some people find that relaxed approach just a little bit too relaxed - maybe you should think about acting on impulse every now and then.

Thanks to Dave for that one.

The puns can go on and on.

Thanks to Soap Suds for that link.

Someone sent me something from my wishlist!! I don't know who it was, but thanks! It's a lovely book and I look forward to reading it.

I like my birthday time.

ps
Thanks, Davezilla for including my b-day in your random effluvium. I am honored :)