Damn I'm manly

But that's me all over, 100% pure Man. Wrap me in bread cuz I'm a god damned Manwich. Put me in the ocean and I'm the Isle of Man. My atomic weight must be 54.9 cuz I'm motherfuckin' MANganese.

Found a cool online comic: When I am King

Via cheesedip.com, via David.

Back to the norm, Mark's Nickname Du Jour:

Big Daddy.

A departure from the norm, I have been granted a Nickname Du Jour:

Eagle-Eyed Kristin (for finding all the problems in the software)
aka, Eagle-Beaked Kristin (for people who make changes to the database without telling me, thereby causing near heart-attacks when I refresh the preview screen and everything has moved).

And the Quote of the Day, prompted by my statement that the smell of coffee brewing reminds me of dirty socks:

If I could have dirty socks smell like coffee, I would be a very, very happy man.
-- Mark

Yippeee! It's Friday!

I have to work all day (argh), then I get to go to the old apartment and pack (what fun!) and then Mark is taking a bunch of us to see A.I. much, much later tonight.

And by the end of tomorrow, I will be officially living in my new apartment, complete with all my shit stuff, and the rent paid, and papers signed, and keys handed over....

... and an easier commute, and a bigger place, and an nicer area, and less rent, and a cool roommate ...

I'm glad it's Friday.

Wow. A whole webpage on one of my favorite activities, kissing.

Via Riley Dog (6/28/01).

For the easily amused:

The Ultimate Build Your Own Cow Page!!!

I am much amused.

I ventured out of the office today with three of my male co-workers to pick up some racks from the data center across the street to bring them back here. One rack in particular has almost a terrabyte of hard disk space. I'm sure the other three make up the difference.

I had to move out of the way quickly so that the drool wouldn't splash onto my sandaled feet.

I have several friends from library school who don't work in traditional libraries. We consider ourselves librarians, and when we gather in groups, we refer to ourselves as librarians, but we have a hard time admitting explaining that's what we are to people who have a hard time giving up the stereotype of the librarian as a little old lady, complete with bun and glasses, shushing people, and would rather refer to us as information professionals, researchers, knowledge workers, or some other equally palatable term.

Let's hear it for Metagrrrl, who I met in Library School, as she says:

Ok, enough of that "I don't have a library, so I don't really call myself a librarian" shit; I have a library; it's called the web and I answer reference questions on it *constantly*.

Via Tami Jo:

Before and After the Microsoft ruling

Once again, racks were discussed in our office. This time, they want to borrow my truck to put some racks in it to haul back from the data center.

And once again, I refrained from making the obvious joke.

Mark turns 24 today.

Why don't you send him a birthday card??

I guess that lake behind the pretty Indian lady isn't as safe as they'd like you to believe, is it??

(Sidenote: let me take this opportunity to say that a site dedicated to butter and how to prepare it is just ... just ... delicious. Yum. My arteries are hardening at the thought.)

Via Mark.

Bjoern brought one of these into the office today.

Weird.

Bjoern and I came up with some reasons why it's not a good idea to have a piece of chocolate every afternoon.

1) Familiarity breeds contempt.
What was once a treat, now becomes commonplace

2) Unplanned/Unwanted increase in body surface area.
Over the lips and through the gums, look out hips (thighs, buttocks, belly, etc.), here it comes!

But since we could only come up with 2, we've decided to go get some anyway.

What we've listened to already (in order):
The Commitments
New Miserable Experience
The Honeydrippers, Vol. 1
Poem
Reservoir Dogs
Living Under June

What we've yet to listen to (in no particular order):
Say Anything
Violator
101

Sherman Alexie, on his education:

They were running after me -- the Jesuits -- trying to save me; they lifted up their cassocks and they were wearing Nikes. I didn't realize God had a shoe deal.

And did you know?

Kemosabe in Apache means "idiot," as Tonto in Spanish means "idiot." They were calling each other "idiot" all those years; and they both were, so it worked out.

I love my dog. Ok, she's really my mom's dog, but we have a good relationship anyway. I took a few pictures of her last time I was Home. This is my new favorite



You can see a few more here.

I hate to admit it, but I guess I'm typical when it comes to female language patterns. This was sent to me today, and except for the "5 minutes" bit, I suppose I identify and use all of these.

Here's to being typical.

* * * * *

FEMININE LANGUAGE (Author unknown)
A little long, BUT a must-read for all men.
Keywords and their meanings:

FINE:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

(LOUD SIGH):
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

(SOFT SIGH):
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

OH!:
This exclaimation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

THAT'S OK:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."

THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."

THANKS A LOT:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only say "Nothing."

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

Holy cow! I just remembered that Booboolina.com turned one year old on Saturday. I feel like a rotten parent.

Makes me wonder what else I've forgotten in the midst of moving and celebrating birthdays.

I know a few people who shave their heads intentionally, and a few who wish they had the guts to do so (myself included), but I also know someone who has lost her hair quite unintentionally because of breast cancer, and has still managed to stay positive about it.

As she says:

... I have found that being 'hairless' has many advantages!
1. I get to wear hats all the time, it is so cool.
2. The amount of time saved getting showered and dressed is dramatic.
3. A definite savings on shampoo, conditioner, not to mention electricity for blow-drying & curling.
4. Never any 'bad-hair days'!
5. It's much cooler, and when I do get too hot, I just stick my head under a faucet to cool off.
All in all, I could really get used to the ease and comfort!

And she's leaving this week on a cruise to Alaska to celebrate her wedding anniversary. She is truly a wonder.

JessaJune and Redcap were/are being funny.

Ah, the trials and tribulations of being an English major.

Has anyone else been contacted by a Mr. Jack Strap regarding "hot wives, teens, busty chicks and celelbreties...", or am I the only lucky one??

I know it's always been a dream of mine to meet a celelbrety.

I know quite a few Canadians, and yes, they rule.

Via my favorite Canadian.

Bwahahahaha!

What do you do with a psycho roommate?

I just sent this to my new roommate and promised that I wouldn't eat her if she went psycho.

I'm sure that'll put her at ease.

It's raining (!) here in Santa Clara, CA and we're all, Americans and Germans alike, reminiscing about the smell of wet asphalt and gradeschool playgrounds.

I just cited "Land of the Lost" in a discussion of evolution vs. creationism.

I am such a nerd.

Look at what WalMart's peddling now:

Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture: Including Recipes for MDA, Ecstasy, and Other Psychedelic Amphetamines

Gift wrapping is available.

Notice the stock status.

From Unxmaal.

Do you ever get the sneaking suspicion that you've chosen the wrong career?

How to Make Love to a Single Girl.

Not for the militant feminist types, or those offended by the sight of nekkid women.

Weekend recap:

I came home from work on Friday, really needing to go to the bathroom, only to find that someone had been there in my absence. I don't know what they were doing, but I suspect that it had something to do with my toilet (which I've never complained about and have never had a problem with), as it was the only thing they touched, apparently. My clues were the plant that had obviously been dropped and then simply picked up and put back in the pot, the disarray of the stuff I keep on the tank lid, and the dirt that was *everywhere*. Whoever dropped the plant then handled my bottles and jars, leaving smudges all over everything and didn't bother to clean up the floor. I was pissed. I still am.

Yes, I called the apartment manager and yes, I took pictures.

Saturday, I went olallieberry berry picking with a lot of friends, including J, as part of a birthday celebration for my new roomie, M. It was great fun and I came back with 4 1/2 pounds of berries, the use of which has yet to be determined.

Yesterday, I went to my first Gay Pride parade in San Francisco. It was great fun, from the Dykes on Bikes to Mikes on Bikes. I'm told there was more, but we were exhausted after standing for over 3 hours watching all the fun and left after the PFLAG float.

And I moved. I moved a lot of stuff. With the help of Jish and M, I got all my essential stuff moved in, and a lot of non-essential stuff. I'm now living there and going back to the old place every day to move at least one truckload.

I have a lot of stuff.

It's strange moving into a place that your roommate has been living in for a couple of years already. At the end of the evening, I start feeling like I have to pick myself up soon and drive back to my apartment, the visit is over. Imagine my relief when I realize I can just go in the next room and sleep in my own bed.

And that brings us to today, when my neck is soar, my feet hurt, I have bruises all over my arms and thighs (from the moving!), and I am TIRED.

Next month we're getting paid in racks, apparently.

I refrained from making the obvious joke.

I don't believe in short-term dieting as a valid form of weight-loss. This is not to say that I have ever actually changed my diet to achieve long-term goals either. It just means that I continue to gain weight.

BobTheCorgi (6/21/01) gives a nice succinct overview of the drawbacks of a lifetime of dieting.

I'm on the phone with PacBell (20 minutes and counting ... their hold music sucks) and I almost fell off my chair laughing.

Not that I have any intention of ever becoming a bride (we won't mention the fact that no one's ever had any intention of making me a bride), but someone pointed Indiebride out to me as an example of a nicely designed site. That is the *only* reason I've bookmarked it here.

The ONLY reason.

Are you qualified to apply to be the Sexiest Geek Alive?

BTW, the Sexiest Geek Alive contest crowned their winner last night in San Jose.

You know you're a grown-up (physically at least) when ...

you're telling your grandma about your plans to move into a new apartment and you mention that your new roommie is going to loan you her spare twin bed to use until you can get yourself a "real" bed.

She says, "Why isn't a twin bed a 'real' bed?"

And you restrain yourself from blurting out, "what if I want to have someone over?? You can't fit two people in a twin bed!*" Saying instead, "Well, the futon I've had for the past year and a half is a full, and I don't really feel like going back to a twin."

*Yes, I know. Anyone who had a relationship while living in a college dorm knows that it is, in fact, possible to fit two people in a twin bed. But I've been out of that scene for 6 years now, and I got rid of my post-college twin bed a year and a half ago now. I've come so far, and I don't want to take a step back ... Not to mention that I was a lot thinner back then, and my boyfriend was one of those stick people, thereby making it easy to fit the both of us in a twin bed.

Useless Observation of the Day:

As far as I can tell, 8 of my last 30 referrers have clicked to my site from their mailboxes, the highest concentration I've ever seen of this phenomenon. And none of them seem to be repeats.

Another 8 are from search engines, looking for the same old stuff (sexy librarians, pictures of ex girlfriends, Kathy Lee Crosby, and people wearing diapers ... oh, and naked raves, of course).

Which leaves 14 direct requests from domains I don't recognize and a few direct links.

Strange.

UPDATE: one more unique mailbox referrer and another search on rave pics.

According to Dave, our double standards extend to the animal world as well.

Not to self: add GoodShit to the list.

Today's Word of the Day is languor \LANG-gur; LANG-ur\, noun:
1. Mental or physical weariness or fatigue.
2. Listless indolence, especially the indolence of one who is
satiated by a life of luxury or pleasure.
3. A heaviness or oppressive stillness of the air.

Very fitting.

When I spilled water all over my pants, I knew my drinking problem was getting out of control. But when I dropped my yogurt down the front of my shirt, then I knew that my eating problem was getting the best of me.

We need a Messy Eaters and Sloppy Drinkers Anonymous, for people like me, who have trouble with the whole hand-to-mouth concept.

A rant from my dad

I got an email today from my father. He and I both received the following bit o' nostalgia, but he responded first and he has a lot more experience with the "good old days" than I do, and his reaction is pretty similar to mine, so I thought I'd post his reaction rather than composing my own.

Warning: This is a long one, and not particularly entertaining. It just says a lot of what I feel about this desire to live in the "good old days", in the mistaken impression that they were better than today.

The email:

One evening a boy was talking to his grandfather about current events.

He asked him what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

His Granddad replied, Well, let me think a minute.

I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.

There weren't things like radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens.

Man had not invented pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, and he hadn't walked on the moon.

Your grandma and I got married first -- then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir' -- and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'

Sundays were set aside for going to Church as a family, helping those in need, and just visiting with family or neighbors.

We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends -- not condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks. CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on radio.

I don't even remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was grandma's lullaby.

'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us old and confused and say there is such a generation gap.

And I'm only 59 years old.

Dad's reaction:

Well I am only 56 years old but I have much to say about what he seems to think were the good old days. There were things that added value in their simplicity. That I can accept. However, I don't know just how poetic he wants to be in picturing the good old days as without vices. "Pot" was quite popular in 1955 in Tulsa, Oklahoma and I don't mean as in "Pots and Pans." And the good old days had race riots like nothing you can imagine today. When was the last time the National Guard was called out for anything but a natural disaster? We used to do it for campus riots all the damn time. We even had the National Guard killing students on campus during Viet Nam protests - How incredibly insane is that?

You bet there was no penicillin and no polio shots. What in the hell is so great about that? I don't see people limping from polio any more and I remember people dying by the hundreds when the Honk Kong flu hit this country. We didn't understand anything like we do now about disease: good old days my ass. You can have them.

I can appreciate much of the social changes this guy doesn't like. I think [my stepdaughter] is wise to select this somewhat humiliating situation living with her parents rather being "cool" and living with the love of her life.

"It doesn't really matter, we will be married soon anyway. It doesn't matter."

Of course it matters. Just like "right" has always mattered.

The problem he didn't discuss is all the people today that examine right until it has no meaning. The four-year-old that drowned in the pool in Malibu yesterday has become a media "football." What I heard yesterday was all about parents and pools and baby sitters and the law and the owner of the pool and "what the invitation said" and didn't say.... I didn't hear anyone say one word about the boy: who he was, what his life was about, what he was like, and pause for a moment in our search for a demon to just respect life and pray for this small soul that passed without a chance. The message from something like this should be to look into our frenetic existence and say, life is too precious to trivialize ... his or ours. If his four years of life are to have some meaning, then let's live differently from this day forward. It is a travesty for us to now satisfy our dementia by looking for a villain so we can feel...

feel satisfied [why, we should not]

feel justified [what in the world does this do]

find justice [for what? ]

The real crime is what everyone is now doing to this child's life, prematurely over.

The guy makes good points too. It is refreshing that those of us that gave much of our life and some of us the supreme sacrifice for our country are appreciated in this society today. This is no longer something to hide or avoid revealing as it has been at other times in our history. It was unsafe to wear your uniform home on leave so we were allowed to travel military standby for the first time in civilian clothes so we didn't get spit on or worse. By the way, it didn't work but it probably lessened what did happen.

Yes, the good old days had their positives but they had their negatives too. So, it is less than productive to revere the past blindly and indict the present without the "common sense" he himself notes in his adoration of days gone by... Look for a balance old man. The past and present have much to be thankful for . . . and that wisdom . . . is from a guy that lived in both places, has read and understands the Ten Commandments, and is personally quite delighted that we have progressed markedly!!!


My Dad
56 years old
Retired Air Force Major
Child of 12 on occasion....

Get A Job You Freak: a work search resource for freaks

No, wait, A Canadian work search resource for freaks and other miscreants.

Every country should have one of these.

My new favorite blog.

Another valuable link, sent to me by a friend:

Tampon Angel Pattern

... 'cause only he would find (and then send) something like this.

I really need to find a working comments program, 'cause some of my posts have actually prompted people to write to me recently. Actually, it's just my "moving" post that has generated this sort of energy. Here are some of the comments I've gotten:

"Up until that last line I thought this was your Tomb Raider review."

"That was one of the more...provcative...descriptions of a move I've read in quite some time. I mean that in a Victorian fellow enjoying himself yet ashamed of himself because of it sort of way. I'm quite the eager prude."

"*whew!* Need any help with your next move? Or, more accurately, need anyone to come watch you sweat, breathe, heave, etc."

My phobia is listed here, right between

Arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth

and

Arithmophobia, the fear of numbers.

Again, thanks to Jisheroo

Jish is right. Don't talk to the Muffin Trees. *shiver*

Have I mentioned how tired I am??

I'm working under the "look like you know what you're doing and maybe the knowledge will magically come to you soon."

Passed on to me by one of my co-workers:

Unclaimed Property Information

Find out if you're owed money by the state of California!!

The State of California is currently holding more than $2.6 billion in Unclaimed Property value belonging to approximately 5.2 million individuals and organizations. This property is mostly money left inactive or dormant by the owner for more than three years.

Except for a few months towards the end of grad school, I've never relied on caffeine to keep me awake.

When I discovered late nights at Denny's, clubs, boyfriends, and other ways of cutting into my sleep time, I developed different techniques to keep awake. I don't really know what those techniques are, I just know that I don't fall asleep very often in school or at work. Sometimes, though, I wish I liked coffee, since I'd really like to not feel so tired this morning.

Does caffeine make you feel more awake? Or simply less likely to fall asleep? Does it make you feel better? or just less bad?

A tired mind wants to know.

There are advantages and disadvantages to having three weeks to move to an apartment that's less than 5 miles away, especially for a procrastinator.

My apartment is a mess. Both of them are.

Hot.

Sweaty.

Racing pulse.

Heavy breathing.

Heaving breasts.

Yeah, I'm moving to a second story apartment.

I have to start moving today. I don't want to.

That's right.

I don't like little eight-legged buggies. I like big eight-legged buggies even less. So much so that it's hard for me to be in the same room with someone who's talking about them. If there's a picture of one on tv, I have to turn my head and trust a friend to tell me when the scene is over. And yes, even seeing the word freaks me out. Why? It could be because I opened a book once to find a rather large specimen had been squished in there. Freaked? Yes. A lot? Oh yeah.

And I've only described situations that are about them. Imagine what happens when I'm actually faced with one. *shudder* Damn my overactive imagination.

The same could be said about men.

I giggled, and my co-workers glared at me.

Um, yeah, that would be me.

I'm sure y'all have had your fill of humorous site translators, but I just tried the Redneck translator on my own site at The Dialectizer, and it just about had me rolling on the floor.

Found while trying to find a site that would translate a Swedish site for me. Still looking ...

Heh. I've been "recognized" over at Blog You. They haven't said anything I haven't heard or thought of myself, they just managed to say it in a whole new way. I'm glad I didn't get notified of this honor yesterday, when I would have taken it way too personally and probably ended up in tears. Criticism, and oh-so-constructive to boot. I guess I'm taking it personally today, but I'm not even close to tears. I'm reminded of why I don't even like reading their reviews of other sites.

On a brighter note, there are things to enjoy and look forward to today. It's Friday. It's payday. I'm getting my hair cut tonight. And I'm going to hang out with someone special.

UPDATE: Ha. Just got an email from Tom over at Blog You advising me to "relax and count to the letter R".

Yeah, whatever.

I don't want to sound bitter, although I am (a bit), but I thought it was funny that a person who found my site, came up with some valid points and a rather long and completely pointless reflection on my StorTrooper, thought to come back and tell me to relax.

I've been to their site before, read some of their reviews, and left feeling no better for the experience. I was not amused, or enlightened. And I felt bad for those they found less than satisfactory, hoping they did not take it as personally as I did. It's not always their message that bothers me, but their tone. In what way are they hoping the people they've "recognized" will react to what they say and how they say it??

I don't care if they maintain a site in which they offer reviews that they feel are witty and worthwhile at the expense of others feelings. I'm not going to write to them and express my feelings about their review of my site, or ask them to take it down, because I figure they're just doing what they feel they need to do. I do, however, object to them telling me to relax when I have a reaction to something they've said about me.

And that is probably the last I'll write about this.

It's pretty sad when the only thing worth watching on tv is The Flintstones.

You know, the first step in effectively separating content from format is figuring what your format is going to be. Otherwise, your stylesheets are going to look a little, um, confused. Not to mention what your site is going to end up looking like.

Yeah, I've decided it's high time I learned something new. Here's me, jumping on the css bandwagon. Finally.

This explains so much.

Via Unxmaal

If there're there's any men (gay or straight, doesn't matter) body out there who don't doesn't get the code here, then there's something seriously lacking in your, um, experience.

Uh oh. I just found the beginning. And within 10 minutes, I come to the ending What am I going to do with myself now?? Work?

Via MeFi

Finally, the Simpson's "Doh!" added to online Oxford Dictionary, along with "bad hair day" and "full monty".

Via MeFi.

Interesting:

A German corporation that is paying compensation for Nazi-era slave labor owns the Charlotte-based construction company hired to build the World War II Memorial in Washington.

I'm having a real tough time figuring out if this is a joke or not.

Referring to the recently imposed schoolyard ban on tag, dodgeball, hide-and-seek, and hopscotch, Ms. Medlar added, "Very few parents realize how dangerous certain activities are because they have a benign image. We need to be sure kids aren't doing things at home that they're not allowed to do on the playground. If it's not safe at school, it's not safe at home."

Brian is just all about the good linkage today.

For the serious alcoholic in your life, Azbars Patented High Speed Liquor Dispensing System.

Via 3Bruces

Ok folks, I know that Davezilla's got a name generator that's pretty darn cool, but I seem to remember getting an email once, long long ago, that had a complicated formula for coming up with a blues name based on the letters in the name you already have. And it was funny as all get-out.

I need that formula. Help me, please??

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Featuring, among others:
Mark Hamill
Carrie Fisher
Alanis Morissette

Happiness in under 60 seconds

And, courtesy of Mark, here are some gems for the day:

"It's fun to call people idiots."

"I'll suck more if you want." (Editor's note: not in a good way)

"I only call the client an asshole once while he's in the office."

Had a post, Blogger ate it (but it wasn't entirely Blogger's fault). Regardless, I decided it was probably part of the bigger plan, as that post probably sucked.

However, in the meantime, I found some other stuff:

How to be a Honky
Via 3Bruces

And, just in case you didn't see this last time I posted it, Respect the Pussy.com, it ain't what you think.

Holy cow. A new form of crime deterrent

This Week's Prostitution Photos

Via MeFi.

Ooh, re-reading those last few posts for today, I guess sleepy=bitchy and self-centered.

I'll stop now.

And hard on the heels of that last post, Massachusetts High Schools Offer First Period Nap-Time

One of the stellar lines from this decision:
"We can't ask teens to be responsible and go to bed early", said one school administrator. "Offering teens a nap-time will help them ease into the day so that it is easier for them to apply themselves to their schoolwork."

It's a wonder any of us got through high school, or learned the correlation between going to bed early and not being tired the next day. Hmph.

I sleep and I sleep and I sleep, and yet I'm still tired. We need to reinstate nap time at work.

::Yawn::

My mamma told me one day I'd wish I had taken advantage of all the nap time I resented in kindergarten. I didn't believe her then. I'd much rather have been out watching cartoons or riding my bike. Now, I'd give almost anything to be able to go into one of the conference rooms and get half an hour of uninterrupted sleep.

I am having trouble justifying my need to slow down my outward cash flow and my desire to maintain the lifestyle I've enjoyed since I got this "real" job.

I wonder if anyone else has ever had this problem. Can't wait till I get paid on Friday.

Want to know what's happened to Superman? Joe Camel? Marvin the Martian? Look no further.

Where Are The Toons Now

Via 3Bruces.

Word of the Day:
de-geek
v. To explain technical language in lay terms.

Courtesy of Kevin.

Not a heck of a lot to say this morning-quickly-turning-into-afternoon, except that I had a really nice weekend.

I went to see JessaJune in A Midsummer Night’s Dream again on Friday. It is still a wonderful production.

I proceeded to sleep in on Saturday till about 10:30. Which means that's when I woke up and decided not to go back to sleep. This does not mean that I actually did anything. Making breakfast was the extent of my getting out of bed until about 12:30, when I realized I had better put down my book and get ready for my lunch date with JessaJune and Redcap. And they were late, so I got to read even more.

Saturday night was a neat birthday gathering for Jish, where we all got together and played pool for hours and hours. And I didn't play as badly as I usually do, which was nice.

Slept in again on Sunday (stayed out late the night before, so I had an excuse), and proceeded to not eat enough during the day and get in a pissy mood, which was greatly helped by a heart-to-heart with close friend, involving both tears and laughter. Nothing resolved, but at least it's out of my head.

Once again, that brings us current to today, where I find that most of my daily reads have not posted yet, which has made my morning slower than a Monday has any right to be. So post, dammit!

Another wonderful Star Wars parody, courtesy of J:

Glengarry Glen Darth

You know, I like Jackson Browne. I wonder what he's doing now.

Want to see derision from people who really shouldn't show any?? Take a look at the Metafilter discussion on Trivial Pursuit 1.0 - The Weblog Edition.

First of all, I have to admit that I'm posting this mostly because I feel somewhat criticized for being included when my site generally doesn't get a lot of attention. But to be honest, I generally feel that a lot of energy is wasted by people who argue that that inclusion in things like this somehow means that those included feel they are better than those who are excluded. I know that in at least two cases, this is most certainly not the case with this project.

And then there's all those who say "Who the hell are these people??" As if we don't have the right to be part of it, or are unworthy of their notice (which begs the question, why bother commenting at all? I'm just getting more and more site hits from it). What's funny is that I've met one of these people in person at least twice (his wife and I get along really well), and the other via our sites. And apparently they really do feel superior to little ol' me. I thought they'd be above that.

Oh well, it was fun, and it still is. I hope others are keeping an open mind and looking at it as an opportunity to see some sites of some obviously interesting people (hint: I'm not referring to myself ... I'm not one of those who have ever encountered law enforcement beyond getting a speeding ticket last month and the baseball games my mom and dad played in in their years with the sheriff's department).

Ok, I've written much more than I intended to on this subject. I'm going to have some lunch now.

According to Bjoern, doughnuts (read the previous entry) are the perfect combination of carbohydrates and fat, so that the fat enters the body and directly adheres to the hips (or wherever you're most susceptible to fat adherence).

You know, if you said nice things about me, you could also be my bestest friend.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Krispy Kreme is Evil. E-V-I-L

But it shore is gud. Yum.

Are You Loony??

It only happens once in a blue moon, but when you cut loose, you really cut loose. We wouldn't call you loony, but you might qualify for loon-ish. Because while you've been known to have your moments of insanity, you're usually the model of decorum. That's why people are so tickled when you do occasionally do and say off-the-wall, goofy things. But you usually tend to keep your emotions and behavior strictly in check — making sure the scales are firmly tipped toward "sanity" is something you take pride in. That said, it wouldn't hurt to indulge your loony side a little more often. Being dependable and reliable is one thing; being predictable is something else entirely.

Yup, that's me. Loon-ish.

Kickboxthequeen.com: Kickboxing Match or Math Test For Canada's Monarchy

Via my new favorite site.

Harlan and Ev mentioned dreams they had recently, which prompted me to remember for the first time today that I had a rather vivid dream last night in which I was Brittney Spears. What's more, I took the Who's Your Inner Rock Star test earlier today, and, unhappy with the Bjork result I got the first time, I retook it, only to find that now I was ... Brittney Spears.

Coincidence? I don't want to know. I just want it all to go away.

I'm going to let Greg take the responsibility for pointing y'all towards this.

Trying to find something else, I came across this:

'The Exterminator' by Clint Witchalls

Both are worth reading.

Tee hee.

Those Wild Bush Girls!

I'm ready for lunch, but it's not quite time yet. It's not even that I'm hungry, I just want to eat. And there, folks, is the root of my eating/weight problem.

I'm in a pretty darn good mood today, but I have a sad story to tell.

A friend of mine told me a few days ago that her sister moved to this area a recently because she had been raped in the city she came from. It had been her boyfriend's best friends, and they'd used the date rape drug to do it. She was at a party, having a good time, then she woke up the next morning in their basement with bruises all over her. Her boyfriend didn't believe her and she didn't press charges. Instead, she moved away in a hurry and has had trouble with relationships and holding down a job since then.

My friend and I learned a few lessons from her sister's experience:

1) Always keep track of your drink, wherever you are and whoever you're with. If it's out of your sight, even for a little bit, get a new one. You don't know who might have casually walked by and dropped something in it.

2) Always keep track of your friends. Apparently, her "friends" left her there instead of making sure she was ok. I would be mortified if I discovered someone I'd been with had been violated for lack of a friend stepping in and making sure they got home ok.

3) When someone seems exceptionally flighty or irresponsible, there could be some serious and deep-seated reasons behind it, rather than it being that they're just high-strung or lazy. With this knowledge, her behavior that we've criticized since before she moved here makes a heck of a lot more sense. Compassion can go a long way to making someone more comfortable with themselves.

Some resources on date rape drugs
Date Rape Drug Warning
'Roofies', The New "Date Rape" Drug of Choice
"Date Rape" Drug (Rohypnol) Frequently Asked Questions

Hey everyone!!

Thought I'd tell y'all again that it's Jish's 30th birthday today.
Why don't you send him a birthday wish?!?! Like now.

John has come up with Weblog Trivia. Try it! You'll like it!

Hint: I'm one of the webloggers mentioned.

Fucking hilarious.

And I don't use that term lightly. Link from Unxmaal.

The meeting started out well, and continued to be so for quite a while, but then the fidgeting started, eyes began to wander, and any cohesiveness the group had shared began to fray beyond repair.

However, we did get some good stuff out of it:

Term of the Day:
Go PG&E on us
defn: to make a financial deal and then declare bankruptcy, thereby leaving someone else holding the bag.

Quote of the Day:
"Belly buttons are not sexual. They're just belly buttons!"
--Dinah

Another reason why KFOG is one of the coolest radio stations ever.

Hey everyone!!

It's Jish's 30th birthday today.
Why don't you send him a birthday wish.

My, we're a witty bunch today.

Awwww.

Kid gives his dog to cop who lost K-9

Via Brad

Sum moor gud linxs frum 3Bruces:

Conquer France all by yourself!

Pooh Goes Apeshit -warning: very bad stuff

It was bound to happen eventually.

After weeks, nay months, of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch without mishap, I finally managed (in a moment of distraction while reading The Daily Brad) to drop jelly on my pants. Sure am glad I wasn't wearing anything light-colored. So now they're not just blue jeans, they're blue and purple jeans!!

Found a cool site today. Have to remember to add it to the links page.

Notes for this morning:

10 hours of sleep is very good for the head, bad for the back.

Destiny's Child has released their video for their newest single "Bootylicious". Yes, it's as cheesy as it sounds. And more.

You know you've got a salt craving when you're doing the whole tequila shot routine, only without the tequila or the lime.

Yum.

TV Go Home

Sounds like a place that might have advertised my recent boating trip.

In an understandable slip o' the tongue, what with the variety and frequency of animal diseases in Europe, a new term was coined here at SD:

Mad Hoof Disease

We're still laughing at the visuals from that one.

It was prompted by this article, which may be difficult to read for anyone who does not know Swedish, in which it has been revealed that various Canadian and American dog and cat food companies have been involved in the practice of using dogs and cats in said food. Wasn't this lesson learned with the cows??

Murmory

...Dating, most sports, general success really, seems to require a certain element of "rat-biting" if one wants to acheive her goals.

Supermodels are lonelier than you think!

Yeah, right.

I was at dinner a few nights ago with a large group of friends and other people (other people being those who aren't really my friends, but I'm nice to them 'coz I don't want to make anyone upset), and the discussion eventually turned, as it so often does here in Silicon Valley, to those crazy emails so-and-so had sent to the group, and how side-splittingly funny they were.

One of the "other people" in particular had a point to make about sending these emails around. She started telling a story about an email she had gotten a few days before with the caption "two refugees looking for a home". She opened the attachment to find a picture of a pair of a woman's breasts. Thinking this was hilarious and that her co-workers would appreciate the humor, she forwarded it on. She was later warned by the IT director that she should be careful who she forwarded pornographic material to, since someone could take offense and then she'd be in trouble. She then went on to rant for a good half hour about the nerve of this man telling her to be careful, when he was known for forwarding similar material. I didn't say anything, but I suspect that the warning had nothing to do with the IT director, but rather one of the other recipients of the email in question who had complained.

Still, the only way she could rationalize her action was to say, over and over again, that others in the office had forwarded similar material in the past, oftentimes much worse than her innocent little picture of a pair of breasts. In fact, she went so far as to say that they were not pornographic. Her rationalization for this statement was that in Europe a picture like that would not be looked at twice.

In these days of rampant sexual discrimination lawsuits, regardless of their validity, I could not believe that someone would send something of a pornographic nature -- and no matter how much you rationalize it, a picture of a woman's breasts, with the caption of "two refugees looking for a home" is of a pornographic nature, even in Europe -- and not recognize the risk they put themselves at. Or at least, that she would go to such lengths to convince everyone else that she was in the right.

Ah well, here's a good article that describes the problem internet users are facing it comes to friends, co-workers, email, and sex:
And They Told Two Friends...: Sexual Boasting and the Internet Don't Mix

Link via Zannah

My NerdSign is Tux the Penguin:

Free and independent-thinking, those born under the sign of Tux the Penguin are quick with thoughts and ideas, even if those of other signs might not understand those thoughts or ideas. Compatible with many platforms and star signs, but proper operation requires care, understanding, and proper tweaking.

Tweaking? Hahaha.

The Melissa Project

... the coffee was perfect and just the way I like my men, tall, strong and whipped.

Via Dave

My little brother drove in mucho late last night and spent the night on my floor so that I could drive him to the airport this morning.

I want y'all to know I use the term "little" loosely, meaning simply that he is younger than I am. In fact, he's the youngest of the 4 children my parents raised. But he's been taller than all of us (my parents included) since he turned 18.

As irrelevant as all that is, that's all I have to say for this morning.

I just repaid a shower cleaning with a car waxing and I can barely move. Nothing like a sore lower back to make you feel older than you are.

This is a good lesson in choosing your bargaining tools wisely. Next time I think I'll offer to buy a meal, or watch a movie in return for a clean shower. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Other weekend news: I'm moving!! At last, I'll have an apartment with a bedroom and a living room, rather than one room that serves as both. Not to mention the fact that my rent will be going down. How's that? Move into a bigger place, pay less for it. Hmmm.

Today I was a casualty.

Although my last sailing experience was less than stellar, I decided a year was a long enough wait to try again. I mean, this time the boat would be bigger and we'd be taking Dramamine before we got on the boat, right?? I really thought things were going well, as 1/2 hour into the trip I was feeling great and not having any trouble whatsoever with the swells and the rocking of the boat. But I guess this was the case with a lot of people. As more and more people pushed their way to the railing to empty their stomachs, I realized that I was starting to feel a bit queasy myself. Then I started to feel really queasy. To be honest, I think I was feeling sick as much because everyone else was getting sick as because of the constant, irregular rocking.

So, I didn't get to fish, as I spent the remainder of the trip on my ass, focusing on various things ... the land, my shoes, composing this entry ... whatever would distract me from thinking about throwing up. I feel better knowing that even the captain admitted that the seas were rough.

And that's when I was referred to as a casualty.

Three things I learned:
1) Don't puke into the wind. Nate the Fishing Guide made sure to tell everyone this little tip first thing this morning, along with a lot of other useful advice that I missed because he was mumbling and turned away from me. Thank god I didn't learn this one through personal experience. Although I'm not sure it was the best decision, as a few people admitted that they felt better afterwards, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

2) "Never turn your back on the ocean. She can get real mean." A direct quote from Nate the Fishing Guide.

3) I now understand why dogs like to stick their heads out the window when they're riding in cars. They get motion-sickness. It could be that the second Dramamine had kicked in by this time, or it could have been my anticipation that we were going back, but I felt immeasurably better on the return trip. Personally, I think it was because the breeze was no breeze any longer, but a cutting wind that went through every layer I had on, and it was friggin' cold. The wind and the opportunity to think of a source of physical discomfort other than my stomach made it possible to make it back to the harbor without losing the PopTarts I had had for breakfast.

And that was my sailing trip for 2001.

You can read more here.

PhD

JessaJune found it, but I'd like to point to this post as well. I like what she says about finding a man in Silicon Valley:

there's a little saying we have about a woman's chances for finding a man: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

Indeed. It's not about quantity, baby. It's all about quality.

Sometimes it's good to wake up 10 minutes before your alarm. Sometimes it's not.

Two very funny links sent to me by the Reverend Brian over at 3Bruces:

Star Wars Gangsta Rap

Vader having trouble at the Big Mac Supper Club

Remember, you have to trust Mark when he pulls things out of his ass. Got that?

What do you do when you have an awesome background on your computer, but it's been there for months and months and you're in the mood for something new, but you can't find the image file that it's drawn from, and the site you got it from isn't hosting those images anymore??

By the way, it's a painting done by Juan Gris, called Breakfast, or The Breakfast. Something to do with the morning meal. Anyway, I'm not really into cubism, but I love his style and the colors he uses.

Oh. My. God. The cats on this page are so funny, I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. And I get a chuckle every single time I go back to look again.