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Be your own Disneyland.

Wednesday, October 31

I've held back from posting a lot of the jokes that I receive via email, but today's is just too funny to pass by. Sorry for the long post, but ... oh hell, this is my site and I want to read it. So there.

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

In this day and age, when America is fighting a war against an unseen enemy, it's difficult for people to know just who the bad guys are.

We here at TopFive decided to take a break from our usual duties as humor list writers in order to perform a public service by presenting this list of terrorist organizations that do not get the attention of the media the way Al Qaeda does...

The Top 20 Little-Known Terrorist Organizations

20> Al Quesadilla -- fighting for Mexican cheese appetizers

19> B.R.A. (Banana Republican Army) -- khaki-wearing freedom fighting yuppies

18> International House of Paramilitarism -- No attacks before breakfast!

17> Al Shamu -- whales fighting for liberation of their Seaworld-captive brethren

16> Ku Klutz Klan -- clumsy cross-burning rednecks

15> Kabob-aloos -- Cuban freedom fighters armed only with skewers

14> The IRAs -- little nebbish guys who annoy the hell out of people, with pants hiked high to conceal their Glocks

13> El McPherson -- band of crazed-from-hunger Supermodels

12> The Moulin Rouge -- French Communist song and dance troupe

11> The Spanish Imposition -- Your Tia Josephina comes for a visit, stays for a month, and lounges around all day watching Spanish soap operas with the TV volume blasting.

10> Al Kato -- freeloading houseguests who move in and eat all your food

9> The Talibananarama -- spreading the message of bad British '80s dance music

8> Hamina-hamina-hamas -- freedom fighters for Jackie Gleason

7> Balsamic Jihad -- fundamentalist food critics

6> "Weird Al" Qaeda -- attacking the capitalist, American government by spreading their revolutionary message in the form of a rousing polka medley

5> The Black Pansies -- black-gloved horticulturists

4> Yeehaw Jihad -- "The Cowboys of Chaos"

3> Al Ro'ker -- eighty percent chance of a Rain of Terror!

2> Falun Bong -- Uhm... hey, man, what are we fighting again?

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Little-Known Terrorist Organization...

1> Pujafudin-Pujafudout -- spreading the terror that is the Hokey Pokey

The Top 5 List

Obligatory Dumb Halloween Joke
('cause my co-worker keeps pestering me to put it up here):

Q: How do rednecks celebrate Halloween??
A: They pumpkin.

Random IM topics, in non-IM format:

Shaving nuts - and we're not talking walnuts either.

Mike The Headless Chicken

And I told someone else I was a cute kid. Then I went through a very long ugly period. Now I'm kinda cute again. I never had that awkward phase, I was just ugly. Glasses, freckles, bad hair ... same as now, only different.

Another classic Rhymes with Orange!: Shopping Cart Wheels.

Jessa is just too darn cute.

Causcasian jeans. So wrong. So very, very wrong.

Via Ernie

I consider myself a pretty clean person, if a bit messy. I actually enjoy cleaning. The instant gratification is so .. instant. And gratifying.

But I discovered a few years ago that while I'll spend an hour on the kitchen, and I can dust the hell out of the living room, I hate cleaning the bathroom. I don't know what it is about the bathroom that makes it so difficult for me "get around" to cleaning it. I think it's all the tile and the mold that lives there. Too much damn work.

So when I moved into my current apartment, I made a deal with Roommie that I would clean the kitchen and the living room if she'd clean the bathroom. To my eternal shame, I have been less than punctual? responsible? adequate? in doing the chores I said I would do. I clean up after myself, but two chicks with long hair tend to shed a lot, and we cook a lot too, which means spills and stains on the counter, and the trash bin is so very far away that I can rarely find the energy to take it out.

She hasn't complained, but I get the feeling she'd like nothing more than for me to read and follow Cleaning The Fucking Kitchen For Dummies. I'm trying to get better, really I am.

Via Jay

Happy Halloween!!

I'm not much of a Halloween person. Never did like dressing up, but I left the tv on long enough to see Thriller this morning, so I feel like I've done my bit to get in the mood.

Tonight is Halloween on Castro in San Francisco, for which I will be dressing up, courtesy of a big white feather boa and some items from the clearance rack in Mervyn's sleepwear department. Oh, and some purple nail polish and body glitter, too.

Tuesday, October 30

A night of ill-advised surfing, and this is what I come up with: Useless Sexual Trivia Mailing List and Gothic Martha Stewart Projects

Via 3Bruces

Via Tara:

The Work Name Generator.

I'm Mangler.

Sad news: They're re-releasing E.T. (this is not the sad news) and they're going to modify it (that's the sad news).

Via Morbus

SWAB (Social Webloggers Around the Bay)

Ok. It's done. I've created a social group for bloggers. And journalers. And diarists. And online personal publishers. And anyone else who uses the in-ter-net. Heck, my roommate's coming along, and she doesn't even have a website!!

I have hopefully avoided all most flame wars and unnecessary discussion by making an executive decision regarding the name, email address, and purpose. It's called SWAB (Social Webloggers Around the Bay). I really don't want to hear about the exclusive nature of the word Weblogger - it worked with the acronym, ok? My other option was BESI (Bloggers' Excuse for Social Interaction), but as funny as I thought that was, I thought SWAB was better. As stated above, it's for anyone interested in meeting and hanging out with people who write on the web. There are no limits on joining and the only limitation I'd put on posting is that events should take place in the San Francisco Bay area.

This is not intended to compete with any other group for members or purpose. This is casual, and social only. If you're interested in meeting new people and having access to an easy way to get groups together, this is a good resource.

Go join SWAB. We'll have a blast.

ps
someone mentioned to me that it sounds like we're all little pirates. I'll see what I can do about getting lots of eye patches for the first event.

jish has nice balls. Or so I've heard.

"You've got to see Market Street on Halloween! You've got to see Market Street on Halloween!"

I'm going to be there. Are you?

It's amazing what those headless gymnasts are doing these days, isn't it?? So there was this really cool picture of a headless gymnast on a german yahoo site. She wasn't really headless, it's just that the photographer caught her when her head was down and she looked like she was missing a major body part. Fascinating, I tell ya. Trust me. You'll have to.

Via Jish

Ok, ok, ok. I'll start the social group for bloggers today. The latest exchange on the Webloggers' social group list seems to have acted as the straw the broke the camel's back, alienating a lot of people who just want to get to know the people they read who happen to live in this area.

I'll post when I finally get it going, complete with email address and webpage where you can sign up. For those of you outside of the Bay area, you can still sign up, and when you come to visit (which you all will, at one time or another), you'll know what's going on with all the fabulous people out here.

But first, I have to get some work done today.

Monday, October 29

Stuck for something to wear in two nights?? Try one of these. You'll be the life of any party!!

It's not often that I indicate that my mood is bitchy, or that I use language like I did today. Everything seems to be a pain in the neck today. Literally. If I could find a chiropractor who didn't lecture about ergonomics and exercise, I'd go have it taken care of. Grrr.

Along the same lines as the last post: JC's funky bunch

Holy Cow! oh, er, um, Holy Hound ... Spaniel? Collie? Great Dane? For the canine in your life in search of some heavenly enlightenment: Jesus Terrier!
And the afghan said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you squeaky toys, bones, and some tasty Alpo (Lassie 2:10)
Via 3Bruces

Sneaky grape jelly is bad. Very, very bad.

I am such a friggin' stress bucket. With the added benefit of having no good reason to be so.

Argh.

I scored 2 on the CyberWhore Poll!


My heavens! You're an ONLINE NUN!
Are you sure you have ever actually BEEN online? That's not a TV you're sitting in front of, you know. How you have managed to avoid sex on the internet for so long makes you one for the record books. You're having your slutty sister fill this quiz in for you, aren't you? No wonder you list Vatican City as your profile location.
Via Spicy Mustard

Another attitude pic from yesterday.

we didn't find the cache and we wanted to let everyone know how we felt about that.

We are so fucking awesome. That's right. Fucking awesome.

too bad Kevin couldn't be in the pic - it was a great day!

Found David Petryca's site in my referrers this morning. Besides the interesting blog, he has some cool wallpaper designs. My new computer background now looks like this.

Weekend Recap, or How Far Will Kristin Push Herself to Have a Good Time?
(more later - I accidentally hit Publish and I'm not finished with this post just yet - Oops!!!)

Friday, October 26

I've just decided to see if I can go a whole weekend without the internet. I hope so, otherwise I'm more pathetic than I already think I am.

Wish me luck! (knowing that I won't know about it till Monday :))

Thank the gods for emergency Snickers bars hidden away in desk drawers, awaiting the moment they were made for: the Friday afternoon munchie hour.

'Cause peanut butter and jelly doesn't really satisfy.

Oh Fuck Me

Economic Condition Auburn

Ouch.

If Girls Came With Resumés

Via Davezilla

Eric tells me that he's going to go to Hawaii like this guy tried to get to Canada, hopefully with more success.

Search of the Day: sexy pics with ayatollahs

Once again, I came in first. Whatever.

Jish and I went to see Travis last night at the Warfield. It was a great show. A little lower-key than I was anticipating, but fun nevertheless. RemyZero opened for them and their music was a lot of fun too.

Sorry for the uninspired take on the show. I was tired last night, and I'm still tired today, with many things on my mind. Suffice to say that we had a good time, which is really all I ask for from a concert.

Some of my friends have been having difficulty adjusting to life without DSL.

I don't know what I'd do if I had to revert back to dialup. Probably stop using the computer at home altogether.

Thursday, October 25

Why I love Michigan weather
Today we have an afternoon high temperature of 73°F [22°C], severe thunderstorms, possible tornado warnings and wind gusts up to 40mph [64kmh]. Tomorrow? Snow.

I just don’t know how to dress anymore.

Bob The Corgi
It made for a truly dramatic display as I held it against my dark orchid sweater set. Oddly, no one commented on it. I must assume they were mute with envy.

IM moment, on buying a computer from a friend:

SuperK: You don't have to do it to buy my love, you know.
Me: I know. If I could buy your love, I wouldn't want it.
SuperK: Hey, good point! I should take it off eBay then.
SuperK: That's the next wave: famous bloggers selling personal items on eBay, promoted on their blog...
SuperK: "OMG! I was the high bidder on Kottke's old sheets! w00t!"
Me: Gross
Me: Oops, sorry, just thinking of used underwear and socks ...
Me: broken glasses
Me: mice gone bad
SuperK: Sell linkylove... Winner gets on my friends link list for 6 months...
Me: Kottke would make a killing. You would too.

So there's this interminable debate over what the final name for the Weblogger User Group is going to be.

In response to one member's suggestion of Weblogger Interest Group, another suggested that perhaps Collaborative Offline Meeting By Often Very Enthusiastic Revellers might be just as useful.

Près de vous, madame, oubliant les cieux,
L'astronome étonné se trouble;
C'est dans l'éclat caressant de vos yeux,
Qu'il avait cru trouver l'étoile double.

Karl's sig file.

I really want one of these, but I can't justify the expense.

The Weblogger User Group meeting has been covered by FastCompany in Microcontent and Microcommunity. One might notice that the only picture that really came out well was of Jay's head.

Wednesday, October 24

Latest good search: 38 reasons why carrots are better than men

And I came in first. I'm not bitter towards men. No, really! I'm not!

spinning-jennie - a cool librarian's site.

Good advice from Mr. Brad. Maybe this would solve my calendar issues and remind me to help out too!

The Bitter Single Guy

Via 3Bruces

Roger's Profanisaurus needs a Word of the Day service.

Via Jay

This little post from Tracy had me laughing out loud.

Overheard near the water cooler, on the subject of the smell of green tea and it's remarkable similarity to that of dirt and grass:
Don't get me wrong. I like the smell of dirt. I just don't want to drink it.

Never one to wish the day away in favor of the next, I find myself kind of wishing October was over so that I could change the picture on my calendar.

I feel all girly today. I'm actually wearing a skirt! Who would have guessed that I owned a skirt, or that I would wear it for anything less than a wedding or a funeral?? Certainly not anyone who has met me in the past 10 months!

Why are you wearing a skirt today, you might ask. Could be because my jeans are all wet from a failed trip to the laundromat last night or because my khakis are still in the car for some obscure reason or because I don't wear shorts unless I'm pretty sure no one will notice the chicken-skin-like quality of my legs or because sweats was taking this whole "casual office attire" idea just a little too far. I don't know.

But it's nice.

I've got the Baz Luhrmann cd playing this morning, and I'm listening to the song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), featuring the text of Mary Schmich's original "sunscreen" column. Worth a reprint, no? Why don't you go read it again?

Edmond tells the best stories.

Event announcement: Beer Train!

location: Ausiello's Tavern - 864 El Camino Real, Belmont, CA
when: Saturday, November 3, 2:00pm

Once again it's time for the event we all love - the Beer Train! This time we'll have a patriotic theme so wear red, white and blue, bring flags, paint your body - whatever turns you on! We'll be starting in Belmont and working our way south to Palo Alto. If we're feeling ambitious maybe we'll make it all the way to Mountain View! Hope to see you all there!

If you need any information/enticement/encouragement/excuses, let me know.

Dilemma: I just got back from taking Roommie to the airport. Do I try to go back to bed for half an hour/45 minutes, risking extreme grogginess when my alarm goes off? or do I just start my day a whole lot earlier, and risk a mid-afternoon shut-down?

Tuesday, October 23

Blah, blah, blah. Ever have the feeling that no matter how much you work, you never get anything done?? I feel like I've been busy all day long, but I can't cross anything off my list (not even the secret personal list of things to do).

Tuesday: An exercise in futility.

I've gotten some remarks recently that there are no pictures of me on this site. Rather than comment on other peoples' sleuthing skills, I've decided that my navigation over on the right requires some rethinking. I'll get to it later (maybe when I do the redesign that's a few months in the ignoring already).

In the meantime, for myself mostly (vain b*tch that I am), here are some links to pictures of me that appear in various collections on the web:

JessaJune's 2000 Ren Faire pics
Jish's snapshots
Tom's Fray Day 5 pics
JessaJune's 2001 Ren Fair pics
Jay's Weblogger User Group meeting pics
Tom's Weblogger User Group meeting pics
Shannon's record of last Saturday night

And finally, I appear on this site here and here and here and here and here.

See? I'm real. Really I am.

Someone with *way* too much time and feminine products on their hands: Tampon Henge

Via Elise

Consequences of working with a bunch of computer/Star Trek/Tolkien geeks:

I have been informed that the next version of our documentation should contain Klingon and Elfish translations.

Update: Ed has provided me with the Tengwar font packs.

Tango
Many, many times over the years I tried to let go, give my body over to someone else’s rhythm, but had never been able to. Never fully. Battling always with the impulse to lead, exacerbated by the sense that no-one ever hears the music the same way I do.

I so long entertained the fantasy that some day, it would just happen. Someone would just take me in his arms and dance me.

Oh, thank you.

Monday, October 22

PLEASURE
There is nothing finer than clean flannel sheets and a goose down comforter to make a warm and cozy bed.

I sent out the Novel Security Measures article to my father and a few friends, and he came back with,

"Good Grief, Charlie Brown!!! What the hell are we doing??? Osama may be losing the military war but he is winning the "Let's-destroy-American-life-from-within" war."

Via Morbus:

Bench pressing Panda
Yingying is said to be the only member of the endangered species in the world able to dunk a basketball, go down a slide and drive a car.

!@#$%^&*!! They're reclaiming my laptop at work. So much for portability.

I went out with some really cool friends Saturday night to see Tom Jonesing! at Club Deluxe on Haight Street.

So. Much. Fun.

Update: This is the beginning of the slideshow that might give you an idea of how much fun we were having.

This is frightening: Novel Security Measures

A young man was prevented from getting on two flights in a row because of the books he was reading: Hayduke Lives! by Edward Abbey, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Via Kalsey

Also frightening: A CIA propaganda apparatus aimed at the American people

Via Ethel

Ethel the Blog
Observations (and occasional brash opining) on science, computers, books, music and other shiny things that catch my mind's eye. There's a home page with ostensibly more permanent stuff. This is intended to be more functional than decorative. I neither intend nor want to surf on the bleeding edge, keep it real, redefine journalism or attract nyphomaniacal groupies (well, maybe a wee bit of the latter). The occasional cheap laugh, raised eyebrow or provocation of interest are all I'll plead guilty to in the matter of intent. Bene qui latuit bene vixit.

The usual copyright stuff applies, but I probably won't get enraged until I find a clone site with absolutely no attribution (which, by the way, has happened twice with some of my other stuff). Finally, if anyone's offended by anything on this site then please do notify me immediately. I like to keep track of those times when I get something right.

Good resource to have: a guide to Library Weblogs

Sunday, October 21

Yippeee! I'm finally going to get to see the Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band.
When? Next month.
Where? At the Fillmore.
With whom? With Jish.

Anyone else want to go with me?

Friday, October 19

So I ask again: "What the hell is 'geeking off' and do they clean up after themselves when they're finished?"

Way cool: Billy-Bob Teeth and Baby-Bob Pacifier Warehouse

Wish I knew some babies who needed pacifying.

Via 3Bruces.

Ok, I have a friend and we have this curious habit of calling each other names. It started out with Dork and Freak. After a while, we figured that we needed to expand our vocabularies, and Putz, Schmuck and Goof were added.

We need more names, and I'm asking you, whoever you are, to add to our collection. Please, nothing profane or gross or terms you wouldn't want your grandma to hear. Thanks!

I'm not sure why, but I really like this pic of Jish and Wendy.

There's something to be said for living in an apartment on the ground floor: you can sing and dance to your heart's content and you don't have to worry about being considerate of the people who live below you.

Roommie's gone this weekend and I *still* can't make noise. I want to make noise.

Noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise.

Neet-o Freet-o! Brighton Elephant

Via Morbus

Watch out for those French children swearing in English. They'll blister your ears if you're not careful.

You know it's going to be a strange day when you double-load Sarah Harmer, Ricky Martin, and Delerium into WinAmp and think, "Ah, perfect."

Update: forgot to mention Blue Oyster Cult and Glenn Miller and Baz Luhrmann.

Dangers of Gerbil Stuffing - The Gerbilling Clinic - Is it Only an Urban Legend?
The patient promised the Extraction Team that he would never ever again place any mammal inside his rectum, so the rescued guinea pig was returned to his custody.
Via 3Bruces.

Personal Stories From Victims Inside the WTC or Pentagon

Too friggin' cute.

Thursday, October 18

I have been challenged to come up with a list of 5 things I'm proud of, and I'm drawing a blank. This isn't good.

Via BobTheCorgi, via Blank Headspace:

GetTheHellOutside.com

ODE TO THE CORNFIELD
The longest running syndicated show in the history of television. An evolving cast that included some of the biggest stars of their genre, new and old alike. A formula for success that did not change over a quarter of a century. Devoted fans from all demographic catagories.


Hee Haw.
I liked Hee Haw too. I watched it with my grandparents, back in the day. I wonder if TNN airs any re-runs. I just might watch it if they did.

Photos from the meeting the other night can be found at Openwire and MenuchaBlog.

Unfortunately, I'm in a few of them, but they turned out ok anyway.

I never really encountered the word serendipity until I went to grad school, where it figures largely in research. Since then, it seems to be everywhere: the web, movies, and a shuttle service in Palo Alto.

Today I received it in my email as the Word of the Day and it has some interesting notes on the origin of the word.
The word serendipity was formed by English author Horace Walpole (1717-1797) from Serendip (also Serendib), an old name for Sri Lanka, in reference to a Persian tale, The Three Princes of Serendip, whose heroes "discovered, quite unexpectedly, great and wonderful good in the most unlikely of situations, places and people."
It's the reminder for the day, as I seem rather focused on my own trials and tribulations, to stay open to new things and find the joy in them.

So I wrote this big long post last night about the state of my (love) life, but I couldn't post it to my site because of the bad relationship my computer has with all things blogger. So I sent it to myself at work, intending to upload it from here. And I just read it and decided it was not only more than I thought my readers would want to know (not that that alone would have stopped me, as you can see from previous posts), but it was also exceedingly boring (showstopper!).

So instead, I'll leave you with a question Roommie posed to me the other night after the meeting: "What the hell is 'geeking off' and do they clean up after themselves when they're finished?"

Wednesday, October 17

Beauty! And more more beauty!

Via Jisheroo

Are You A Sex Goddess? Apparently I am.
HESTIA, the Goddess of Family and Peace.

She's a deity who embraces all the aspects of womanhood. As a woman in her image, you exude femininity and sensuality.
You view men as the perfect counterpart to your womanly ways. But you probably don't appreciate casual encounters. Rather, you prefer purity and tradition. Because of these predilections, you tend to attract men who understand your nature and possess maturity and seriousness beyond their years. When you finally arrive at the bedroom and your divine qualities are released, you reveal such sensuality that the experience is unforgettable. In other words, with the right guy, you really know how to get wild in the sack. In fact, when the mood strikes, you can easily drive your man crazy. But out of respect for your inner nature, you require love and devotion from your partners. You are an attentive and giving lover who knows how to make your man feel sexy, appreciated, and fulfilled. When you show your stuff, it's like a light shines down from the heavens. Behold, the skies proclaim, here lies a goddess!

On the arrival of a Sun monitor:

"!!It's so big!!"

... followed by ...

"I will sleep in the office with my monitor from now on."

I wonder at the long-term significance of this piece of hardware, as I get one of my very own.

My new favorite site: World Wide Words

Via OpenBrackets

Continuing the Alternate Name trend:

My The Viking Name is Kaðlín Quickjaw.

Via Thoughts Interrupted

Read the story that Edmond has to tell.
"What is it you think we do at my school causing us to mix up our underwear?" ...

"These things happen," was all she said.

Bush Threatens ISO Certification on Taliban
A defiant Taliban representative familiar with ISO certification said, "Fire will rain from the sky and monkeys will fly from my butt before we undergo this gruesome process. We prefer bombs to ISO auditors."

I don't usually post my disturbing search requests here, I usually do it over here, but I don't have time to post there right now, and this is too funny to miss:

Today's Winning DSR: poem about whiskey wine or even beer is good enough for me

This requires little comment on my part, as the humor seems self-evident. If it's not clear to you, then ... sorry. I'm still laughing over it.

Have I mentioned that I love Rhymes with Orange?

Current fave: RWO Unlocks the Mystery of Anti-Depressants

My Magic Fairy's Name: Voodoo Goldwitch
Behaviour: A stealer of coins and shiny trinkets.
Seen When: Only in the enchanted moment between sleep and waking.
Habitat: In places hexed and tainted by black magic.

Good news via JessaJune.

It has been suggested that a Yahoo! group for bloggers' social gatherings should be established.

What do y'all think?? If there's enough interest, I'm all for starting it up.

So last night went pretty well. The dinner was fun. 18 people responded to the invitation, and 27 showed up. As for the meeting, to be honest, I didn't pay attention to most of the meeting. JessaJune and I spent most of our time meeting fellow webloggers, while Roommie (as the only professed non-blogger in the room) met lots of people outside her usual social circle.

I hope the next meeting goes as well for meeting those who couldn't make it to this one.

Tuesday, October 16

I'm not much of a Halloween person and I always come up blank when it comes to planning a costume. So I took a test, and it turns out that I should dress up like a devil. I really like the description:
You are hotter than Hades, sinfully sexy and beautifully bad because your monster match is the devil. Controversy seems to follow wherever you go since your impish ways are full of mischief. With mottos like, "Flirt first and ask questions later," and "If you believe in the hereafter, then you must know what I'm here after," you make Temptation Island look like a monastery.
I guess if Halloween is about being something you're not, then this would be the costume for me.

Um, well, Edmond mentioned recently to a fair number of people that he likes to come to my site for my links. And here I am, fairly linkless. Yeah, been a little busy. I'll do something about it soon. I have to do my Documentatrix bit right now.

Twisted List: Clubs You Should Never Join

Via Kevin

Have I mentioned lately how lucky I am in my friends?? Well, if I haven't, consider it mentioned.

Sunday, October 14

Roommie: I told my mom that I've finally gotten over the urge to control your life.
Me: I've finally stopped comparing myself to you and feeling bad all the time.
Roommie: We've come so far in our relationship.

Chicken Wings Are NOT For Flying

Via Dogbomb

Friday, October 12

I had a bad day at work today. So did my roommie (a 20% paycut'll do that to you). So we went out tonight, if not to drown our sorrows, at least to give them a good dunking. I'm such a lightweight these days, it was more of a sprinkling. I don't think my sorrows even got damp.

However, time spent with good friends, combined with good hair, can make even the most persistent sorrows lose their ability to bring you down, which is all to the good.

On another note entirely, Crazy Tracy has added a random quote generator to her site, with quotes drawn from bloggers. As she says,
It has been my experience since I've been reading blogs that the best of quotes, the most perceptive of viewpoints, and certainly, the most human and authentic takes on life, come from all of you. You rock!

Wow. Mighty Girl finally moved from Geocities to her own domain.

Not that there's anything wrong with Geocities of course.

Apparently no one is happy being pegged as Al Gore.

I almost missed my roommie this morning, but as I walked out of the bathroom, she surprised me by asking if I'd slept well last night. I said something along the lines of "Um, yeah, I think so" and she proceeded to tell me that she could hear me snore through my bedroom door as she was getting ready for bed.

So now, of course, I'm all self-conscious about this, and I'd made plans to stay over at a friend's apartment tomorrow night 'cause I know we'll be coming back from Faire late and I won't want to drive home from his place by myself. Now I'm not sure I want to. I told him why, and he said not to worry about it. His solution, should I start shaking the foundations of his apartment building? A tennis ball and some duct tape.

Me: Um, yeah. Maybe a golf ball would work better. My dentist tells me I have a small mouth
Friend: I wouldn't want to choose something you could swallow. I've got raquetballs... They smell funny though.
Me: You know, throwing the ball at me when I snore would work too. I'm a fairly light sleeper.
Friend: Seriously, don't sweat it. Look at it this way, if you ever hope to meet someone special and settle down you're going to have to get over the anxiety of snore-bugging anyhow, right?
Friend: I would think putting on headphones and a microphone would work, and amplify your snoring back at you 5x would work too. ;-)
Me: Maybe that's why I'm resigning myself as we speak to a life lived alone.

On another note entirely, I'd resolved to not buy lunch at least one day this week. And what do I do? Leave my sandwich on the kitchen table, where it does me a whole lot of good. Apparently, it's too early to start asking what everyone's planning to do for lunch now. I'll wait a few more hours.

Thursday, October 11

Random Title and Name Generator
Are you bored with your name? Do you wish you were of noble birth? Do you think all the good Dukedoms are taken? Do you want to win friends and influence people? Are you just really fucking bored?
Via 3Bruces

Watching a system defrag can be mesmerizing.

To kind of relate to you how I'm doing today, here is an email that I sent to a friend just now:
Subject: A paucity of email

Did I spell that right??

Regardless, I wanted to apologize for the lack of email or anything else today. I came in, I surfed for a bit, went to a meeting, came out and changed my setting on AIM to say that I was in and the computer went "poof"!! Yup, it crashed, but not all the way, which actually makes it harder. I had to do a hard reboot and I have not been able to get Outlook going since. [Boss] suggested Eudora and I finally went for it, only to find that I can't seem to import my address book or my email from Outlook - it hangs up every time I try.

So. I had to log into the web interface for our email, but I hate it, hate it, hate it. And the computer acts like it may crash at any time.

I'm tired, I've accomplished very little today despite my best efforts - and I have tried - and I just want to go home.

No rest for the wicked, though, as [Best Friend] came into town from San Antonio today and [Roommie] and I work out on Thursdays now, so ... It's going to be a long evening.

Still, can't wait till Faire :)

Hope your day is going at least 80% better than mine ... Talk to you soon.

K

My thoughts exactly. No, literally!

They say I am ESFP. And my favorite Girl Scout cookies are the Peanut Butter Patties. Yum.

This had me laughing my, um, posterior off.

"No naked clowns today. I promise."

A moment of silence.

Wednesday, October 10

CagedKittens
Tips for writing women in prison...

Do not send gifts.

Ask the lady you are writing for the specific rules of her institution. Your letter will be returned if you do not follow the rules of the institution.

In your first letter to each lady it is good to enclose a photo of yourself. This will increase your chance greatly of a reply. Share things about yourself like what you do for a living, your interests and hobbies. Any questions you can think of for them is always good.
Holy cow, the site also features pics of the women in question (how/where did they get those glam shots?), with information such as their release date, occupation before prison, and if they're willing to relocate after release. The button at the bottom of the info sheet is labelled "add to shopping cart."

Via Random-Abstract.

The San Jose Jewish Film Festival starts next Wednesday.

There's a question that's become popular with many of my friends recently, and it concerns what would you give up first: chocolate or cheese?

My roommate stands firmly in the cheese camp. She claims that she could drop chocolate without a twinge of regret or longing. Me, I think I'd have to say chocolate would win out.

But I don't want you to think this was an easy decision. Many a time have I been content with a hunk of sharp cheddar as dinner, and I liked it that way. On the other hand, sometimes a bag of milk chocolate chocolate chips really hits the spot. Darnit, now I'm hungry.

Via Harrumph, "How did chocolate come about as the weapon of choice in Thief of Time?"

What would you give up first?

THE BIG DEAL OF THE DAY
I like COPS because the criminals have messier bedrooms than I do, and it makes me feel good about myself. And I like Judge Judy because I think I am wiser than the dolts who give their credit cards to boyfriends of only two weeks duration or the simpletons who buy cars for $600.00 (pink slip not included) and then complain that they have discovered mechanical problems. They make me feel good about myself, too.

I succumbed.

Click here to find out what robot you really are

Tuesday, October 9

Oh, I forgot to mention ... turns out that the crisis was somehow linked to the other crisis.

Thankfully, now we know that we're not crazy and our toilet works.

Hey everyone, there's a new group forming: The Weblogger User Group, and they're meeting next Tuesday in downtown Mountain View.

I think this would be a great way to meet other bloggers in the Bay area. If anyone wants to meet beforehand and get some dinner, let me know and we'll see what we can put together!

Update: I have made an executive decision to go to Kapps Pizza for dinner. As one person put it, it's easier to share pizza than chow mein. And it's around the corner from the meeting.

Executive decision, part II: we'll meet there at 6.

Update, part II: I have made the reservations for the 18 people who responded. If more people want to come, the restaurant said they'd accomodate them, so don't think it's too late. Just come along and have a good time!

Yippeee! After two days of apparent silence, it appears my host will now allow ftp to happen, and I can post (*she sings in her head*).

It's not a good idea to stiff your webmaster.

Via Morbus

Sitting at home waiting for the plumber (or at least a call back from your apartment manager about when the plumber's coming by) sucks.

(Note: the following was more interesting at the time, but I'll still post it for my information. Read at the risk of falling asleep at your desk).

I just got back from dinner with the greatest group of people. A late, late night I'll be paying for all day tomorrow.

It was funny, somehow I ended up being the organizer for the event (it started out when one person asked me to have dinner with her ... it ended with 12 people squeezing in at a table) and people kept saying they would go and then cancelling, or vice versa, so I kept a running list of attendants. Just for kicks, I put their URLs after their names. There was only 1 person without a web address after his name, and he was there with someone who has enough of a rep for the both of them.

It was referred to as my cheat sheet.

Monday, October 8

There are at least 15-20 performers/bands and 367 songs featured in my WinAmp right now. It's been randomized and it's on shuffle. Despite this, every time it forwards to the next song, it chooses either Janet Jackson or Oasis, neither of whom I'm really interested in listening to right now.

Obvious solutions, such as choosing a new playlist, are not an option right now, as I'm supposed to be working, not choosing new playlists or bitching blogging.

The best speech I ever gave in all my years of scho ... err, wor.... um, well, in all my years, was a demonstrative speech on how to make paper airplanes. 20 minutes with a book, a ream of paper, some semblance of self-possession and a sense of humor, and I actually got a B, significantly higher than the C's I was used to getting.

Courtesy of 3Bruces comes The best paper airplane.

Roommie just called me to let me know that the plumber has declared our toilet unfit for use. Apparently there's something wrong with one of the seals, which means that the whole kit-and-kaboodle will need to be replaced.

In the meantime, the toilet is currently unusable, the water needs to be turned off for the toilet to be replaced, the manager can't turn off the water to the whole building without giving 24-hour notice, and the subject of what facilities we are to use has not come up yet.

Shit, she says.
So to speak, I mutter.

Question ripped off from What's Your Theme Song?

15. Which accessory best describes your sex life?
A favorite baseball cap
A diamond-studded tiara
A spiked, leather choker
A fool-proof chastity belt

The Matwix

Via Jisheroo.

Oliver

In anticipation of Lord of the Rings:

The
Hobbit Name Generator. My name is Esmerelda Chubb of Deephollow.

Via Davezilla

Few things are more annoying in the morning than listening to a semi idle outside your door for half an hour.

Sunday, October 7

Another IM moment ...

SuperK: I'm trying to hack my OS X setup on my powerbook... Probably not the brightest idea...
SpecialK: I wouldn't imagine so. I won't even ask what you're trying to do, as I'm sure I wouldn't understand anyway.
SpecialK: And don't assume that you're the one who can make me understand. it really won't work.
SuperK: Hah. Geek is to "I'm the one who can make you understand." as gay is to "I'm the one who will show you your bisexuality."
SpecialK: Can I blog that?
SuperK: Err, Blah. Not as me. I have a hard enough time defending my heterosexuality. ;-)

Saturday, October 6

Comments!!

Friday, October 5

Runner-up for the Worst Joke of the Day:

Q: What do they do at the factory before tickle me elmo is shipped out to dept stores?

A: They make sure he leave with "two test-tickles"

Winning the award for the Worst Joke of the Day:

Q: What does toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

A: They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons

Spent the lunch hour discussing that phenomenon known as jumping the shark
It's a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on ... it's all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it jumping the shark.

I am still surprised by how idiotic I can be sometimes.

On another note entirely, roommie and I worked out last night after work and then went out dancing with our friends till midnight. She went straight home, but my biker friend and I hadn't had much to eat in a while and decided that was an optimum time to hit Denny's.

Needless to say, roommie and I were moving a little slower this morning than is usual. And I keep rolling my shoulders, thinking "Oh yeah, muscles!"

Another chat moment, entering mid-conversation:

[semi-witty* banter ...]
Him: That's pretty witty.
Me: Don't be silly. Wit is not my domain. I'll leave that to you.
Him: What is your domain? Miss Boo: What is your secret (or not so) superpower?
Me: My superpower is so secret, even I am unaware of what it is. I have a number of lesser powers, however, like the ability to move furniture into pleasing configurations, make macaroni and cheese that kicks butt, and give really good footrubs.
Me: But as for my superpower, that is still hidden from me.
Him: Ahh, the mystic powers of feng shui, chesus ma'r'i, and oooh no other power needed.

[more semi-witty* banter (warning: this is where it gets kinda sentimental and shit) ...]
Me: The chicks stick together, and stuff like that. Don't you feel privileged to be invited to lunch with us?
Him: I feel just like one of the girls...
Me: Oh no, that's not why we allow you to join us!
Him: So why?
Him: And the bigger question, am I a full member, or a flavor of the month? :-)
Me: We invite you because ... ok, skipping to the bigger question - I think you're a full member. Unless, of course, you sour on us and we have to find another source of male devotion.
Him: I can quite seriously say that it's been a very long time since I came across a group of people who make me feel good about myself, and who I wish I could stop time and stay in a distant place with for a few days. I wouldn't presume to speak for you, but that's how I feel.
Him: So put that in your blog and smoke it. ;-)

*Semi-witty because only one of the two conversationalists had any wit to speak of in this dialogue. I think you can guess which one that was.

Hip Hop for Honkies 101

Via 3Bruces

A link from my roommie: Throw Me A Line!

Example: If ugliness kills, you'll live for an eternity.

A usage example of epicene, today's Word of the Day:
He has a clear-eyed, epicene handsomeness -- cruel, sensuous mouth; cheekbones to cut your heart on -- the sort of excessive beauty that is best appreciated in repose on a 50-foot screen.
--Franz Lidz, "Jude Law: He Didn't Turn Out Obscure at All," New York Times, May 13, 2001

Thursday, October 4

For the benefit of JessaJune and Kevin, here's the matter that roommie and I were giggling about at lunch:

Apparently we have our very own Bermuda Triangle in our bathroom.

Last Sunday evening, roommie changed the toilet paper roll. Everything seemed fine until she needed some tp. At that point, she realized that she had not, in fact, managed to secure both ends of the roller-thingie (for lack of a better term) into the holder. When she pulled, the tp roll and roller-thingie both shot off the holder.

She found the roll of tp easily enough, but holder-thingie is still at large. Our bathroom isn't that large. We have moved everything that lives around the toilet, checked the trash can, we even looked in the shelves above the toilet ... there just isn't anywhere else to look.

I guess it's not that funny when written down, but talking about it can have us unable to speak from laughing so hard. Yeah, we're easily amused.

Whew! Found a new site that I like: Christine's design is lovely (she did it all herself) and her stories make for good reading.

So go, shoo, read her site instead.

Quick! I need something to blog to take emphasis away from that last post! It's getting tough to find anything this morning.

Wednesday, October 3

All of a sudden, I have an intense longing to wrap my arms around someone and kiss them.

Sorry. It kind of blindsided me.

Another chat moment:

Me: You're funny.
Other guy: Yeah, funny-lookin'
Me: Ok, a tip: At that point, you should say, "Thank you." You don't have to contradict me every time I compliment you. Even if you don't believe me, just keep the thought that I'm obviously deluded in the *back* of your mind, and just say Thanks.

Wow. Two of my favorite people featured on the same page, all inadvertantly like.

Chat moments (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

Coolchick: ya big harred bimbo ya
Me: :-)
Coolchick: This is funny 'cause when you're most "aaah! big hair" I'm most likely to be going "damn, her hair has so much body & curl, mine just lies there all flat & boring..."
Me: I know. I find that others like my big hair more than I do. Curl is great, but this is big and I lack control. That might be what bothers me most - lack of control.
Coolchick: You need a hair whip.
Me: *crack*!
Me: Lay down!
Coolchick: yi!
Coolchick: *whimper*

Me: He starts out quiet, but the longer he talks, the louder he gets
Other guy: You mean the louder my headphones get.

I guess you had to be there. I almost spit my food on the monitor. No more eating and chatting.

Via bloody hell: The Canadianizer. Make your site look like you're from Canadia!!

The Ultimate Gay & Lesbian Cars

The definitive guide. I love the quotes that go along with each nomination.

Via 3Bruces

"We're Crazier Than You"

A horde of hoaxes

Someone asked me recently the why and wherefore of my tagline. Not the ramble, rant, rave part, but the "better, even, than eating buffalo tongue". Well, I'll tell you where it came from.

I'm currently in the middle of a book called Favorite Folktales from Around the World and in it is a story called "How Men and Women Got Together," an American Indian (Blood-Piegan) tale. And it's the story of ... well, of how men and women got together.

In this story, Old Man had made the world and everything in it, and "he had done everything well, except that he put the men in one place and the women in another, quite a distance away." Things were fine this way for a while, with each group learning to live well, until Old Man thought to himself, "Men and women are different from each other, and these different things must be made to unite so that there will be more people. I must make men mate with women. I will put some pleasure, some good feeling into it; otherwise the men won't be keen to do what is necessary."

So the story goes on, of the men finding that the women lived much better than they did, and the women finding that the men were better hunters than they were, but at each encounter, each found the other at an inconvenient time or made a bad impression, and it never worked out. Finally, each makes a final effort to impress the other and it works. Old Man and the woman chief go off to talk about getting together and this is what happened:
"Let's try one thing that has never been tried before," he said to the woman chief.
"I always like to try out new, useful things," she answered.
"Maybe one should lie down, trying this," said Old Man.
"Maybe one should," agreed the woman chief. They lay down.
After a while Old Man said, "This is surely the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't ever imagine such a wonderful thing."
"And I," said the woman chief, "I never dreamed I could feel so good. This is much better, even, than eating buffalo tongues. It's too good to be properly described."
So yeah. It is perhaps a bit presumptous to assume that my rambling, ranting and raving is better, even, than eating buffalo tongues, but you're still reading, so I guess it's worth something, right??

Tuesday, October 2

Heh. Tom has finally posted some great pictures from {fray} day 5. I'm in one of them, but I'm not going to tell you which one.

Biting the hand that feeds

Silly me, I believe life is about dabbing a crusty hunk of bread into a dish of olive oil and raising it to your mouth. Toweling the salty traces of dried sweat from your forehead after an hourlong run. Nibbling on your lover's chewy lower lip. Pulling onto the freeway and really opening up, until the needle twitches at the 100mph line. Rushing home from the bookstore to crack for the first time your favorite author's long-awaited latest. Playing with the foamy head on your pint of Guinness at 1.30 in the morning at some sidewalk café on Avenue A, listening to the air conditioner next door drip drip drip to the concrete.

Not least, I believe life is about doing nothing from time to time.
Exactly.

Dinah pointed me to a cool site: NewBreed Librarian.

Notice the navigation on the left. I like that part of the building representing Jobs has bars over the windows. I wonder if they planned it that way??

And look what I found! Current Movie Previews. Ain't the web a wonderful thing??

I love going to foreign movies, as much for the previews as for the movie I've paid to see. But I always forget the movies previewed and, well, that's sad. So, in an attempt not to forget this time, here is a list of the previews I remember from last Friday that I'd like to see:

Va Savoir
Liam
My First Mister

There were more, but I don't remember them. Darnit. Paper. I need to remember to take notes next time.

So cool: the Biblioteca Alexandrina re-opens after being closed since 48 B.C.

Via Davezilla.

Monday, October 1

Not being a big fan of public bathrooms, port-a-potties in particular, I have a tendency to purposefully dehydrate myself sometimes so that the need to use one never arises. This is easy when I'm out all day in the hot sun and wearing not particularly comfortable clothing. (Hint: wear tight enough clothing and you just don't feel like putting much into your stomach.)

Yesterday I left my house at 7:30 a.m. ... and didn't visit a restroom again till JessaJune and I stopped off the freeway at an In-N-Out hamburger joint at around 7:30 p.m.

Drawback: Now I'm thirsty all the friggin' time. Which means I'll be getting up a few times between the hours of 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. to visit the restroom.

Weekend recap:

Friday I went with the all the Germans and Swedish guys I know to see Together, a subtitled Swedish flick that was actually really good, despite being set in 1975.

Saturday I helped my roommate move furniture out of her storage space into her sister's apartment in San Francisco. It was wonderful - the drive was nice, the weather was absolutely beautiful, and her sister's place is cute beyond words. Let's just say windows. They were everywhere, and she has a great view of Twin Peaks.

Then I went to see Jish and we walked down to the Pacific Coast Fog Fest. It was nice to see a small-town street fair. The art being sold was still mostly junk, but at least it wasn't as highly priced junk as that sold at the street fairs in Mountain View or Los Altos.

And yesterday, after getting up at 6:30 a.m. and strapping myself into a couple of skirts and a bodice, JessaJune and I headed off to the Renaissance Faire in Vacaville, CA. As I said before, you can read her account to get the whole story on that.

Today I am rock tired, and sore. Feet and ribcage will take a few days to forget yesterday, but then I'll be fine. Which is good, since we're planning to go again soon.

I could write something up about yesterday, but why bother when JessaJune has done such a wonderful job?

Hey, it's Dave's birthday. Go wish him a happy one!

Tired and Sore.

Signs of a good weekend.

More later.