This is a note to one of two people who are most likely to have called me just now:

Never, ever call me and not leave a message unless you know that I'm not at home.

I was here. I could hear the phone ringing. I just couldn't get to it in time. And there's no message to let me know who called, which just pisses me off. Not enough to use *69 to call you back. No, 'cause that would cost me money. It did piss me off enough, however, to boot up my computer and blog about it when I had no intention of turning on the computer again after I left work.

Darn it, I pay money for the voicemail. Use it.

And that goes for the rest of you y'all too!

I'm leaving now. See y'all* Monday!

*I'm practicing for Texas. Is there anything else I should practice or know while I'm there?

Silly?

Amit has comments. I think I might have abused his hospitality by going on at length, however. I apologize.

How to accept a compliment without sounding like a pompous fool (and how to use up all your $.50 words in one go):

Him: Thank you for your compliment, by the way
Me: You're welcome. It's true.
Him: I don't know how to respond to that.
Him: err,
Me: Thank you?
Him: 'Thank you' sounded like I'm saying 'Yeah I'm smarter than you, thanks for noticing.'
Him: You're sweet to say so.
Him: There.
Me: Perfect!
Me: 'Thanks for the compliment' implies no judgement either way on the validity of the statement, except an appreciation of the sentiment behind it.
Him: Ahh. Good one.
Me: Wow, lots of big words. Kristin's feeling ... um ... I think I used up all my words.

Grrr. The time has come again where I have to avoid my wish list so I don't find out what I'm getting ahead of time. I am a terrible actor.

So happiness and the lack thereof has been much on my mind lately. And despite my sudden empathy with and compassion for people who find themselves in an unhappy place in life and have trouble getting out of it, I recently had a chat with someone on my feelings about Responsibility and Happiness:

In essence, I’m not a very sympathetic person to those who look to others to make them happy. Looking for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and looking to others to dig you out of the unhappy place you're in are two different things entirely. The first is something people can expect from their friends. The other is something I think people are responsible for doing for themselves. As I lectured someone else on the other day, we're all responsible for our own happiness, no one else's, nor is anyone else responsible for ours.

My friend responded that “some of it … is not ‘make me feel better’ but ‘hey, Pollyanna, just because you had it good doesn't mean everyone did.’” Yeah? So? Reacting to someone else's happiness by pointing out that not everyone is happy is rather selfish, as far as I'm concerned. If someone is happy, why bring them down? If you're so aware of the bad things in life, then why not be more appreciative of the pleasures that someone feels at the expense of no one, instead of trying to bring them down to your level of cynicism? I know it's a natural response, but there's this thing called self-reflection and self-awareness, where you recognize what you're doing and why and can then take steps to modify your behavior towards whatever outcome you'd really like to happen.

Gosh, I guess I’m back up on my soapbox again. Remember what I said about compassion? I think it's gone with the sunshine :-)

Compliment of the Day:

Regarding the Vaio post, "It took me a while to figure out who was smarter than you."

Power Goth Girls... And No, We Ain't From Frikkin Brazil, Dammit!!!

Via JessaJune.

So I handed over a check last night for a new (to me) Sony Vaio of my very own.

Now begins the work of clearing off the stuff that the much-smarter-than-I person who used to own it needed, loading on the apps that I need, as well getting it online and transferring all the data from my pc at home to it.

And then ... and then ... and then I can do some serious work on a redesign (both functional and aesthetic) of this site. *gasp*

You know, in my copious spare time. *sigh*

Here at Startup Central we make and enable process models.

Now, before your eyes glass over and you stop paying attention, let me try to explain that in terms you'll understand. (Yes, I know, that sounded condescending, but just remember that this is the only way I'll ever understand what it is we do too. If you want a better explanation, go ask Metagrrrl. She's my boss and she knows this stuff inside and out.)

Anyway, what this means is that a customer comes to us with a process that they'd like streamlined somehow, like hiring/firing laying off, processing orders, tracking sales leads, etc. We draw up a model of the process and see how much of it can be automated using email and web pages and such, and then we make it happen.

What we're mainly concerned with is making the whole thing easy - nay, brainless - for our end customers to use. They wouldn't use it otherwise, and then where would we be?

My issue right now is that I'm being asked to draw up the documentation for this super-duper easy-to-use system that we've designed and I don't even know where to start. I mean, it's so intuitive, what the hell am I supposed to tell them?
1) Open a browser
2) Fill out the web page, click Submit.
3) Twiddle your thumbs or eat bon bons as you wait till you get another email.
4) Repeat.

Yeah, right.

Update: Metagrrrl fixed everything. She can make anything look better - she took the above instructions and made them sound intelligent and important and needed. Darn sight more than I could do with 'em.

She's good with resumés too.

Wonky?

Oooh, the Prettiest Site of the Day: The Art Renewal Center

Via Random-Abstract.

I'm going to Austin the day after tomorrow for the wedding - you know, the wedding to which no one who's attending actually lives in Austin, including the happy couple - and the thought of it just makes me tired.

I went with Jish last night to see Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (or, as it's called here in the U.S., Amélie).

A wonderful, wonderful movie. I enjoyed everything about it. The pacing was right, the cinematography was great, the lead was beautiful and talented. After a tough day, both emotionally and otherwise, it was nice to escape to a well-made movie for a few hours. You should go see it. No, really, you should. Just go.

Happy?

Tuesdays get better, especially when all that discussion was sort of getting you down turns out ok after all. Yes, I'm being purposefully vague. Get used to it.

Argh. Tuesdays suck.

BlogSnob - the easier way to tell people about your blog.

Via Jish.

I don't often participate in gender bashing, but I thought this email that I received this morning was pretty darn funny. For your pleasure and amusement, I present Gender Bashing:

The Washington Post held a Style Invitational in which it was postulated that English has male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and explain their reasons

The best submissions...

Detective Novel -- Female
Because you're not supposed to peek at its end the minute you pick it up.

Swiss Army Knife -- Male
Because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Kidneys -- Female
Because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Penlight -- Male
Because it can be turned on very easily, but isn't very bright.

Hammer -- Male
Because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years but it's handy to have around and is good for killing spiders.

Tire -- Male
Because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

Hot air balloon -- Male
Because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.

Web page -- Female
Because it is always getting hit on.

alternatively...

Web page -- Male
Because you have to wait for it to reload.

Shoe -- Male
Because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

Copier -- Female
Because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. or -
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. or -
Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Magic 8 Ball -- Male
Because it gives monosyllabic answers that usually indicate it did not pay attention to your question.

Ziploc bags -- Male
Because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

Sponges -- Female
Because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

Critic -- Female
What, this needs to be explained?

Subway -- Male
Because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.

Hourglass -- Female
Because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom

From the Roommie: Perfume Smells Like Geek Spirit

After an uncomfortable pause, he looked straight into the eyes of the woman he'd loved for years. As he moved in for the kiss, he caught a whiff of her shoulder and immediately thought of his computer.
So much for passion.

While smelling like "digital" is the last thing most of us would consider a turn-on, real geeks might find the scent to be the ultimate aphrodisiac...

"When I open up a box of Christmas lights, it reminds me of my childhood," Krivda said. "It brings me a certain element of comfort. We think younger people might feel the same way about opening a box that holds a computer. We call it keyboard comfort."

Yipppeee!!! Back at work, which means I'm not on dialup!!! And my computer here is faster by far than the snail that my and my parents' computers emulate!!! And I managed to get up at O' Dark Thirty this morning and go work out, leaving me feeling all virtuous and stuff!! And I'm wearing a new sweater that looks pretty good on me!! And I'm seeing my friends tonight for the first time in ... in ... forever!!!!

I can't say that I'm completely over whatever was bothering me last week, but I can say that I've sort of figured out what the problem is and I'm taking steps to remedy it. The taking steps part is included in a plan to be a little more assertive about my life (which includes the pre-dawn exercise, and the flossing), which always makes me feel better.

On that note, it occurred to me this weekend that what we need as 20-somethings is a Rent-A-Mom. Someone we can pay to make our doctors appointments and buy our underwear and make sure that we eat our vegetables. Or maybe it's just me.

Update: Holy cow, turns out there is a Rent-A-Mom service, but it's not for adults. There's also a Rent-A-Mother, which seems to offer the services I need. I think I'll be calling her soon.

Notes from my Day o' Thanks:

Now I understand the frustration of using someone else's kitchen. It's their domain. Get your own.

Also, don't trust others to get the apples. Yes, the pie turned out fine. In fact, it turned out great, but I really would have felt better about it if I'd had the right apples!

The stuffing that was actually stuffed in the bird is superior to that which didn't fit in the bird and was prepared in a casserole dish.

I didn't get my laundry done, and I didn't get to learn how to knit, but I did manage to talk my grandma into loaning me many of her photo albums for a project I'm realizing only now will take up a great deal of time before Christmas, when I told her I'd get them back to her. I went through all of them tonight, looking at myself and my mom when we were kids, seeing my grandma when she was a stunning 20-something and my oh-so-dashing grandfather. It was really nice to get back in touch with my memories and my family in that way. I'll probably ask my mom for her photo albums next.

And despite my fear that time alone wouldn't do me a bit of good, I think it has. Oh, and I came up with a great strategy for Christmas gifts this year. Can't wait to get started on that project too.

And on Saturday, our power went out for over 8 hours. It was interesting to see what happens to a family so dependent on the tv and the computer for diversion when there's nothing to do. I read. Mom looked through catalogs. Dad paced and cursed the power company. The dog slept and resisted suggestions that she go outside in the rain. Funny.

That's it. That's all. It was so nice to see the family and the dog and the family friends for Thanksgiving. We have a lot to be grateful for, now as always.

A wonderful find: Diary of a Mad Monk.

I miss my friends.

Happy Thanksgiving

Ok. That's it. I've turned in everything I know to turn in at work today, and everything I want to do to my site will take more time than I'm willing to give it right now. So, um, yeah. I'm leaving.

I'm heading off into the 101, traffic, and the rain, with my laundry and two extra pairs of shoes in my trunk.

Have a Happy Turkey Day everyone. Be safe, be thankful, and don't blow all the money you don't have on Friday. See you Monday.

Update: did I say traffic?? Traffic is an understatement for what I experienced today. Got out of the office and on the freeway at 3. Didn't get Home till 7:30. Usually this trip takes me 3 hours. Tops. And I started from a point closer than usual. I feel sorry for anyone travelling to high-family concentration areas. Took me two hours just to get to Gilroy, but at least I got to go past 152, rather than sit in what must be the worst traffic ever as people try to get to the Central Valley. I hope they all make it, and I hope they make it in time for dinner tomorrow.

Saint Arnold, Patron saint of Brewers.

He is said to have spent his life warning peasants about the health hazards of drinking water. Water was not necessarily safe to drink during the dark ages, especially around towns and villages. Nasty stuff. Arnold always had the well-being of his followers close at heart.

Beer, on the other hand, was quite safe. Arnold frequently pointed this out to his congregation. He is credited with having once said, "From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world." It goes without saying that the people loved and revered Arnold.

Who knew??

Via 3Bruces.

Thanksgiving Travel: Start Early

Officials are telling travelers to get to the airport three hours early, because of the increased security measures.... The California Highway Patrol is entering a maximum enforcement period at 6pm Wednesday night. They will be looking for speeders and people driving under the influence. But they warn that people who are tired are just as dangerous as someone who has been drinking, so they suggest that you start early, and share the driving with someone else.

"The Recipe For Success"

... Listen to the advice of your father.
... Pay attention to your mother's stories and appreciate where you came from.
... Take action when you know something is right. You might not have the opportunity later.
... Do something just to please a child. The pay-off is enormous.
... Find satisfaction by making someone else happy.

More in the Saga of the Unhappy Person:

My word of the day is Compassion.

Generally, I have the happy and healthy person's disease of thinking that people who are chronically sick or unhappy bring at least some of it on themselves, and if they really wanted to be better, they could do so. After all, health is simply a matter of taking care of yourself, and happiness is a decision one makes about how they want to feel, right? To some extent, I still believe that and I don't think I'll ever completely lose that feeling. However, I've come to understand that sometimes unhappiness can't just be decided away.

I hope I never tell someone they shouldn't feel a certain way. I don't appreciate people telling me that I shouldn't be unhappy, or trying to talk me out of feeling the way I do. I mean, I understand that they do that because they care for me, and they don't want me to feel bad, but I really wish they'd just be there for me and listen to me when I speak, rather than trying to 'fix' me. I am not broken, and I am not a fixer-upper project. I know where I am. I can see where I want to be. The path from one place to the other may be as clear as day to everyone else, but I need to find it on my own. And denying my feelings or pretending they're not there just makes it worse later on (which is what I'm going through now). My recent experiences facing the "let's just be friends" and first-time jealousy have reinforced my philosophy that the best way to get past feelings is to be immersed in them, experience them fully, and move on, having taken as much as I can from them to apply the next time I get sideswiped by "bad" feelings. Unfortunately, this means that I go through periods of unpleasantness during which it is difficult to smile or muster up a convincing level of enthusiasm for anything.

I don't know why I'm unhappy. I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I need. And it kills me that I need time away from the people I care about most to figure it all out. Better that, though, than bringing them all down with me. I'm no fun when I'm like this.

Wow, this went from a piece about compassion to a rant. Oh well. I'll bring it back to compassion by saying that I now understand that unhappiness is not something that is so easy to attain, and some people have a harder time getting there than others. But that doesn't mean that they don't want to be happy. And I'll think a little more when I try to help others, and not try to dictate to them how they should feel.

ps
there are no hidden messages to anyone in this message. It's not about you. Or you. Or you, for that matter. It's about me and my issues. As it usually is.

The Grey Book is the journal of Ian McKellen, the actor behind Gandalf the Grey in Lord of the Rings.

If it weren't the director of "Heavenly Creatures" in control, with a strong vision of all those precise, quirky, majestic locations, I should not much look forward to a full year away from my home in London. But Peter Jackson's designs, script and his unshowy dedication to the task are irresistible. Had I been unable to play Gandalf (because of an encroaching "X-Men" schedule), I should have hoped for another less time-consuming part later in the trilogy.

I am aware of the high expectations of Tolkien's fans - like myself. But, never having imagined that I would ever play any sort of wizard, I am ill-prepared. I just worked with a witch, however, a white one, whose spells are formidable. Her energy is impressive. I shall have to come to understand the nature of Gandalf's energy - what keeps him going. What keeps any of us going?

A big project. I wish them luck when "The Lord of the Rings" starts shooting (without me) in October 1999." -- Ian McKellen, London, 14 August 1999

Mighty Girl pointed this out: gimmebackmygod. I like it.

Funniest thing I've seen today: captions blog. Go be funny.

Via Dave.

Time For Your Meds

It's a dirty, disgusting business, but someone has to pass out the Prozac.

Very cool. Rock Scissor Paper: Modern Vintage Design Stationery.

Via Elise.

I need to use this button more often at work. And when I'm home.

Why is it that when I'm upset, people start apologizing all over the place and I end up comforting them??

$350 camera for $40! Amazon messed up

I haven't figured out how long it will print, but certainly forever and another day.

- My boss.

Love is my heroin, a lesson about the need to spend some time alone, developing a platonic relationship with yourself.

I wrote three posts late today. One was slightly funny about my fear of commitment when it comes to anything except romantic relationships and debt. The second was a very bitter post about an emotional outburst that's been waiting in the wings for weeks now, and was unexpectedly cued this evening. And the last was about "train wreck" sites, which serve to make the writers feel important because their life is unhappy and tend to bore/depress readers (which was where this site was heading). They're gone now. They weren't that interesting to begin with.

So I had my cry. I locked myself in my room with some cheese and crackers. Turned on Vivaldi. Wrote out all the things that have been bothering me recently. Deleted them. Finished up by organizing and filing all my bills, a task I haven't done since I moved in here in July. I feel better now. A long weekend away will give me and my troubles a break from one another, and we'll come back next week, ready to reconcile and see if we can't work out our differences.

Secret Santa, a good way to make sure that you get something for Christmas (as well as have the opportunity to give, don't forget the joy in that too!).

Via Polyester Lester.

I just remembered that I'm supposed to be looking for an apartment. *sigh*

A special friend recently purchased the Hybrid Theory CD for me, and I just can't seem to get enough of it.

Who'd a thunk I'd be such a fan of Angry White Boy (tm) music??

Coolest new blog (well, the coolest/newest blog to me): Bloggus Caesari

Well, it looks like I might be away more than I'd like, so I decided to set up this blog. My friends in Rome can keep track of what I'm up to amongst the barbarians..

I never knew geeks could be so much fun before I moved to Silicon Valley.

I present to you The OSI 7-Layer Dating Model.

What Women Talk About When They Go to the Bathroom in Groups

Via 3Bruces.

Congratulations, you're rickets!

Caused by insufficient phosphorous, vitamin D and/or sunlight, you cause those unlucky enough to suffer you to have swelling in the joints, and bending of the longer bones (such as those found in the legs) in growing children.

You're not very prevalent in affluent societies any more - but don't worry, there's always the third world!

Via BobtheCorgi.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that this is a three-day week. Not only that, but it's a three-day week followed by going Home Wednesday night, getting up on Thursday, going to my grandma's house (over the hills and through the woods and all that ...) and baking a pie and maybe learning how to knit ... and then having a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner ... to be followed by 3 days of nothing. Blessed, absolute nothing.

It's the last time till January I'll have a weekend where I don't have to do anything but be with the people I love. And Daisy.

Ev questions his resemblance to Howard Jones.

I'm probably alone in this, but I hate walking into work and finding a magazine with a half-naked woman on it on my desk. I mean really. Just because I order stuff from the Hanes catalog and have it sent to my work because I don't trust my neighbors to leave packages left on my doorstep alone does not mean that I want the catalog sent to my place of business. I swear. It might be a classier rag than Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood, but you wouldn't know that from the picture of a woman with her sweater unbuttoned to show her bra on the cover.

Well, I thought I'd say something about Ernie's birthday party on Saturday, but Philo does a much better job of it. So does Min Jung Kim. And Jesse. Oh, and Bill.

Just went to see Harry Potter ... a mere 26 hours after I finished the book.

A tip: don't watch a movie when you've just finished the book. It was a good movie, but I think it would have been better if I didn't have the running commentary in my mind: "They skipped that part altogether ... they moved that around ... they re-wrote that part ... I really wanted to see that chess game ... why did they cut that dialogue? ...."

Personally, as I read the book, I thought it translated beautifully into a movie, but I understand that they had to move and consolidate stuff to fit it into the 2 1/2 movie that it turned out to be. (Tip #2: if you're not enamoured of watching a movie with people who don't know better than to bring babies and/or toddlers to a 2 1/2 hour movie, then go see the night show. You'll still get kids, but maybe they'll have fallen asleep.) Alan Rickman didn't put in as much of a show as I expected, but everyone else was great.

I briefly considered stopping my reading of the Lord of the Rings, but ... I found this morning that I'm more than halfway through the book, and stopping now would be silly. I'm hoping that if I finish the book this weekend, then maybe some of the details will be fuzzy in my head and I can stop the internal commentary. And maybe Liv Tyler's bad performance will distract me from what they had to change in the movie.

A good comedy show, a good party, and a spectacular meteor shower and my night is complete. Met a lot of neat people. Ate not nearly enough. Will not get nearly enough sleep. And Harry Potter tomorrow (oops, later today). Yup, that's about it. G'nite.

the love letter project.

you make me smile with my whole self.

Via Jocelyn.

Uh oh. Caltrain set to alter its service in April

Beginning in April, Caltrain plans to stop weekend service for up to two years so workers can complete a $100 million construction project that ultimately will provide high-speed train service between San Jose and San Francisco.

You know what this means, don't you?? After April, no more Beer Train!!

Roommie, in an attempt to make me feel better about her leaving and also to use up her season tickets to the Symphony, is taking me with her tonight to see a production of Beethoven and Rachmaninoff .

My biggest concern is that I'll be all sniffly through the show and they'll ask me to leave. I may just break down and take a decongestant.

From an email entitled "Inner Strength":

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you are very happy to see friends no matter when they drop by,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then ...

You are probably a dog

Someone did a spanish translation of my site today (see: ramble, rant, delirio: No soy realmente malo. Soy justo dibujado esa manera.) and I noticed that my Links link at the right was translated to Buh-Adios. I thought it was funny.

A business partner brought in a 2 lb. box of See's Chocolates to the office today. I tried one, a co-worker tried another ... then we came up with the bright idea of cutting them all in half so that we wouldn't get any more nasty surprises.

Now it's just a matter of being able to smell out the icky fillings so that no more chocolate has to go into the trash. Unfortunately, my sniffer is being attacked by allergens and I have to keep asking the others if it's really chocolate (or something comparably good) inside the candy, instead of coconut or amaretto or mocha. Bleh! Nothing worse than having to toss out chocolate because you've bitten into something icky.

At least if there is another unpleasant surprise, only half of the offending candy needs to be thrown out. We're all about conservation around here.