Booboolina.com

Mayfly 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 07:55:00 +0000

In the last half hour of 2009, I finally got around to composing my entry for the Mayfly Project:

Cut hair; cleaned closets; lost a few friends, made a few more; saw many shows; another futile love; wondering how to make 2010 better.

Stuff I couldn't fit into 24 words:
I dealt with age (and the signs of it) for the first time.
I tried a lot of new things, many of which didn't suck.
I was sad a lot.
Reconnected with a lot of high school fellows, which makes me feel like I'm in HS again.
2009 was about maintaining: weight, blood sugar, mood, balance, sleep, relationships. Some I managed better than others.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 04:51:00 +0000

Someone obviously not familiar with much of the last 10 years of my life asked me recently if I ever googled myself. Of course I do!, I said. However, when I thought about it, I realized that I actually haven't googled myself in ... well, months? a year? I can't even remember.

I tried it out tonight and I'm stunned - I am still #2 on a search for 'kristin' and the the first 3 results in a search for 'kristin garrity'. What have all the other Kristins been doing while I've been frittering my time away on facebook and twitter and ignoring my own website?

Anyway. Hi!

Old like me, old like you, old like aren't we past this yet?

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 06:55:00 +0000

I can't seem to leave my computer today*, even though the weather is lovely, and I have two books and a couple of movies to consume while sitting (on my ass) on my couch (instead of this crappy office chair). Also Facebook is denying me access (wtf is "Your account is currently unavailable due to a site issue. We expect this to be resolved shortly. Please try again in a few minutes." for 4 HOURS!?! I'm not addicted, btw, I can stop any time! Really!)

So, a blog post (vent) about peoples' reactions to my relationship, or lack thereof, with alcohol.

I stopped drinking alcohol and soda about a year ago when I found out I was diabetic (who needs the extra calories or sugar?). 15 months later, it still takes people by surprise when I tell them I am not drinking beer anymore. Conversations tend to go something like this, with precious few variations:

Do you want a drink/beer/cocktail?
No, thanks.
Are you sure?
Yes, thanks. I'm not drinking these days
Wha-? Why not?
I have diabetes, seems best not to
Omg, that's awful! You really can't drink because you have diabetes? But I know so-and-so who has diabetes and drinks all the time!!

I used to not drink because I simply didn't like alcohol and hadn't yet come to appreciate its relaxing qualities, and the conversations ran much the same, but stopped when I said I just didn't feel like it and they shot me the standard "I don't get you and I feel like you're judging me" look.

Waiters never refilled my water glass, people assumed I was a prude (I was, kind of, but that didn't mean I wasn't a fun prude!), and I felt enough peer pressure to imbibe that I often had to take a break from socializing for a bit to remember that it's ok not to drink all the time.

Then I started to enjoy drinking, but even then didn't partake all that much. I still didn't really like alcohol and I didn't like how crappy I felt days after drinking. If I was drinking, it was to get drunk, and I just didn't do that all that often. Mostly because I was usually the designated driver. I found, however, that people were ok with me not drinking right then, as long as there would be a time in the near future when I would drink. At least I wasn't a total freak, and I couldn't judge them if I was doing the same thing once in a while, right?

So anyway, now I'm back in the Land of No Drinking, and the peer pressure and judgment are ramping up all over again. People can't BELIEVE that I host a bi-weekly event called Pub Night, but I don't drink. After all, why would anyone step foot in a bar if they weren't going to have a beer? Btw, I also don't like coffee, but that doesn't mean I can't find something to drink in a coffeehouse.

I thought by this time, people would be more secure in their pleasures in life and not feel that if someone else didn't enjoy the same thing, that they were being judged. I find myself continually justifying my decision "I like drinking; I wish I could have a beer once in a while; it's not for moral reasons; it's the medication", yadda yadda yadda.

It's getting old. Old like me, old like you, old like aren't we past this yet?

*I left my computer long enough today to take a 3-hour nap and watch that Carey Grant movie. Both were very very good. Yay me!

Life update

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:01:00 +0000

Where to start? Things have been busy busy busy lately, and look to continue getting busier (read: more driving) next month, but there aren't any themes to the busyness. This makes for some really boring conversations about what's going on in my life. "What? Me? Oh, still working. Going out with friends, watching movies, ... um, that's about it."

Actually, I guess there are a couple of things significant enough (how sad is that?) to talk up:

1) Cheesy Movie Night

After being thwarted by Netflix on the straight-to-video release of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus with an immediate "very long wait" status, I had to wait another week until it was released to Ballbuster in order to finally have my Cheesy Movie Night. This review says everything we thought of the movie, perfectly summed up with "It’s the dumbest movie you’ll see this year, and I can’t recommend it highly enough." Right on.

2) Tai Chi

Piedmont Adult School offers some convenient and not-badly-priced evening classes. I took the first of seven tai chi classes last week. I managed to get lost on the way to the first class and showed up late, stressed out, and sweating heavily after walking an extra half mile in an already all-uphill walk, but held it together enough to finally relax and get something out of the class. I'm trying very hard not to get tense and succumb to feelings of inadequacy about not being able to pick it up quickly, as that seems to be counter-productive. I think I'm going to have to rent a video and/or possibly get some literature from the library on this activity, to reinforce the lessons between classes.

3) Volunteering

So I cleaned up/out my living space earlier this year, I'm sort of on track in the diet department and I have made some progress in the exercise area. Now I'm revisiting volunteering so that my life isn't all about me (it really is all about me, but I have to pretend otherwise sometimes, just so I don't seem pretentious and self-centered).

Onebrick.org is my volunteer organization of choice, and they offer quite a few opportunities, varied both by type and times to accommodate most peoples' schedules. Most recently, I volunteered at MedShare, an amazing organization that takes perfectly good medical supplies that would normally end up in a landfill in our first world country and ships them to care facilities in third world countries that can't otherwise afford them. I obviously need to strengthen my 'meeting people' and 'being nice/interesting/interested' muscles, but it's a start. On Wednesday, I'm signed up to help out at the SF Food Bank.

4) Spamalot

Jessa and I went to see Spamalot last month. If you're a fan of Monty Python, get tickets. It's so much fun! The second act alone is worth the price of admission. And Eric Idle was in the audience and led us in a rousing round of Always Look On The Bright Side of Life. It was a good night.

5) Opera

The end of the 2008/2009 season has arrived with some excellent shows. Teresa went with me to see Tosca a few weeks ago, and I'm heading to La Traviata in a few weeks. The 2009/2010 season starts in September and I bought a full season subscription. It looks like a good one!

6) Knocked over by a dog

My brother's dog, Yogi is the sweetest, the most well-intentioned, and the clumsiest dog I have ever met. Truth be told, I should know better than to run with dogs, as it never really works out well for me. Anyway, we were running from one house to the other, he was on my right, and he thought we were heading for the lawn on my left. So that's where he went, crossing in front of me, tripping me into the wood chips under a rose bush. I'm still sporting a bruised knee, sore shoulder and scratches from the rose thorns on my arm and back. Not bad, given how fast I was going and my size, I guess. My other brother tells me guys dig scars as well.

7) Wicked!

Wicked is in SF, did you know? How could you not? I have 1 ticket available if you want to go with me, July 15, $92.00, section LOGE, row A.

I'm fairly sure it'll be worth the cost. Come on, you know you want to! Please don't make me sell this to a stranger on CL.

The age-old problem, age

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:34:00 +0000

I finally figured out what my problem has been these last few months while getting out of the shower this morning.

Age.

Omg, I'm getting old.

Ok, older.

Actually, it's not the aging that bugs me, it's that the age is finally showing. I mean, I've been aging forEVER! Like, for 37-ish years! But without the burdens of a house, a high-intensity career or kids (you know, the burdens of being a grown-up), it hasn't really shown much. I mean, a few wrinkles here or there, lots more gray hair, etc, whatever, I still looked young-ish. Or if not young, at least not nearly as old as others my age appear.

With my recent weight loss, I have lost the plumpness that I think is what kept me looking younger than my age - I now see the wrinkles in my neck, of all places! In my forehead. Around my mouth (luckily only when I smile, which everyone knows I don't do much). It's those neck wrinkles that are really getting to me.

So anyway ... with the life changes last year (diabetes! heartbreak!), and the appearance changes this year (weight loss! hair change!), the image I see in the mirror every day sneakily started affecting how I feel about and see myself, even before I figured out why I was so down. I always thought I'd be one of those women who would age gracefully and be ok with the signs of having lived a full life. I guess I just wonder if I've lived a life full enough to warrant all the signs of it :)

Now I just need a new source of self-esteem, since the mirror ain't working out for my any more. Hmm ...

Austin, friends, photography, BBQ and my Condition

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:25:00 +0000

Hey y'all. I'm in Austin for SXSWi, I've picked up a bit of a drawl and I'm having a pretty darn good time! Yay for bbq, southern and tex-mex. I've been eating plenty of it, and will need to work hard when I get back to lose the belly I'm developing. Boo for allergies and cough I brought from CA, but at least they have motivated me to stay in and spend time with my gracious hostesses and not do the non-stop partying that has characterized previous trips to Austin. This growing old deal isn't so bad, you know.

Being here, away from my regular life, away from the stress and depression I've been going through the past month or so, nearer some really good friends, friends I don't get to see but once a year at this conference/festival, others I live fairly close to, but still not close enough to meet up with easily in the normal course of our lives ... being here is bringing me out of my isolated, "poor me funk" and renewing my motivation to do more with my life than merely live it.

Some random stuff:

I'm restricting most of the photos in my flickrstream to "friends" and "family". I apologize to those who choose not to have a flickr account. I totally get that, but I'm starting to think that privacy on the internet is something I should start advocating, at least as it applies to others. It may be a bit late, but I think I can mitigate some of the consequences simply by limiting access to the stuff I post to people I know in real life. *I* don't mind being out there, using my real name and such, but those who let me take pictures of them will no longer be exposed to the general public through me. Unless they really really want to, of course :)

I don't think I made any resolutions this year beyond being healthy and trying to be a nicer person, but I've decided to add Learn More About Photography to my List of Things to Do in 2009. I'm tired of taking crappy photos and blaming my lack of experience/knowledge/equipment for the lack of quality. I like doing this and I think I could be really good at it. What is the point of being here if we're not going to try to explore our potential and be at least a little better than mediocre?

I love spending time with my friend Jennifer here in Austin. I mean, she's in Austin and I love spending time with her anywhere. She's just about the most intelligent, nice, caring and compassionate person I know. Through her experiences and our conversations, I get a wider, more diverse point of view on the world and how people act and interact and the impact we have on each others' lives. People suck. They're also wonderful and amazing. It's good to be reminded that no one is only good or only bad (no matter how they may seem even below the surface), everyone has more than one or even two dimensions.

She also has a wicked smart daughter and a super cute puppy. How much more awesome could a person get??

I've kind of let myself go, as far as self-care is concerned, this weekend (bbq! cheese! chocolate shake! flossing!). Once I get back to Oakland and work myself back into a routine, I will add Learning More About My Condition to my List of Things to Do in 2009. I tend to start learning about it, get freaked out, stay good for a while ... but then, as my fear lessens with time, so does my diligence. Have to figure out a way to let the fear go, but keep the diligence. They say there's nothing to fear but fear itself, but I think blindness and permanent nerve damage aren't bad things to fear, if that's what's going to keep you in line and "good".

I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird at the moment. Wonderful book, highly recommended. In fact, anything Gregory Peck was in was probably just as good in book form, like Gentleman's Agreement.

I think that's about it. I'll be Home in a few days. Here's hoping I can take something good away from this vacation!!

I'm awesome. I'm neato.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:59:00 +0000

Doncha know it! I have needed this all week.

Thanks Kevin!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:48:00 +0000

I don't usually blog other blogs any more, but I thought this was worth saving:

When faced with a choice between using a perfect word or dumbing it down - use the perfect word. That’s how language stays alive and vibrant. ~ Words are Delicious

25 Things About Me

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 07:31:00 +0000

There's a silly meme going about on Facebook in which you write 25 random things about yourself and then tag others to do the same. I had a hard time with it, for some reason. Anyway, why limit this to Facebook? Here is my list of 25 random things about me:

1. I love toast, peanut butter, cheese and chocolate
2. I love my bed
3. I love birthdays, especially my own
4. I love my feet
5. I love daisies, dahlias and daffodils
6. Sometimes I flippantly use the word 'love' to describe my feelings for things
7. I never flippantly use the word 'love' to describe how I feel about people
8. I always choose family over friends, and friends over anything else
9. I have never broken a bone *knock on wood*
10. I never did like school, but it sure did good things for my social and professional life.
11. I'm what you call a 'reader', but almost all of my reading is done while I eat breakfast, in the bathroom and after going to bed but before turning out the light
12. I have an irrational terror of some creepy crawlies - an entire species, actually.
13. I sleep with a teddy bear. That's not a euphemism. It's a real teddy bear.
14. I am a dog and a cat and a baby person
15. I don't have any pets or kids, and don't have any plans to change that
16. I am both a morning and a night person
17. I don't dance nearly as much as I'd like to
18. I'm still not sure what I want to do when I grow up
19. Most of my anxieties come from malfunctioning computers, cars and bank accts. Also, see # 12. And sometimes #18.
20. My middle name comes from the Air Force base where my father was stranded the day I was born
21. I do not name inanimate objects.
22. I struggle daily against my packrat tendencies.
23. My first concert was Huey Lewis and the News, in 1986 at the county fair
24. I've been to Ireland twice (1988, 1993), Canada (2002) and Mexico (2008). I need to get out of the country more often.
25. At 36, I still take my laundry home to my parents' when I visit. Hey, free is free.

Out with the old, in with the n... well, not so much in. Just out.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:27:00 +0000

Hello again!

I think 2009 is going to be all about getting rid of the old, the dragging down, the burnt out and the holding back.

As of Jan 2, I cut off most of that hair I've been carrying around for years now:

Before:

After:

I'm having a hard time figuring what to do with it now. Putting product in and trying to keep it under some sort of control seem to be key. But I love the lack of weight and the decrease in maintenance time and effort. Most of all, I love that it kind of feels like I cut off the bad parts of 2008 and they can't weigh me down any more.

As you can see between the two photos, I've also lost a bit of weight. Ditto the sentiments above and apply to pounds misplaced and, well, yay for that!

And this week, I started going through my closets (see the walk-in and the bedroom). I have found many things I didn't know I had, like an apple corer/peeler, Apples to Apples (still in the plastic!) and a couple of purses. I pulled everything out into the living room (photos still on my camera) and am now sorting through everything, being very careful about what gets put back into the closets and what is going away.

My motivation? I can hardly move through my living room right now and I'd like to have a Game Night (tm) soon, maybe by the end of the month. So the crap needs to be cleaned up and organized or gone before then, and no stuffing things into the closet at the last minute as guests are arriving. You know, like before the last party.

There's more to say, but I'm not feeling particularly articulate at the moment. Later alligators!

Mayfly 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 02:21:00 +0000

I know we still have a week and a half left of 2008, but I thought I'd whip up my entry for the Mayfly Project a bit early:

Traveled (Hawaii! Mexico! Texas!). Fell in love, fell out. Diabetes diagnosed, dealing. Silver linings: Know myself better! Lost weight! Doing fantastic going into 2009!

As I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post, this year wasn't all that great, when you think about the bad stuff that came my way. However, unlike in years past in which not much happened and I didn't evolve at all, at least I can confidently say that I am not the same person I was in January. I've grown, I've learned and I think I'm a better person for it all, the good and the bad.

All I want for Christmas is ...

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 02:03:00 +0000

I just sent out my Christmas list to my siblings, thought I'd share with the internet as well:

Amazon stuff
Republic of Tea Botswana Blossom (this is my favorite, and I just ran out tonight)
Socks (argyle or stripey, trouser or knee-high)
Dark dark chocolate (minimum 70%, 85% is the best)
Gift card for Gap, AMC, Trader Joe's

This is for you, Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 06:34:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Things I'm most thankful for this year: my family, my friends, my job, did I mention my family?, toast, Trader Joe's creamy natural peanut butter, Oakland Public Library, Facebook (yes, embarrassing, I know), Mission Carb Balance tortillas, Amazon, Netflix, and weirdly enough, my diabetes and my broken heart, and not weirdly at all, my family.

Each and every one of these people and/or things helped me through tough times this year or introduced needed change into my life, and I'm a better person for it.

Whether or not you're a celebrater of Thanksgiving as the United States observes it, I hope you take the time to figure out what you have to be thankful for and hope that someone is thankful for you as well.

Cheerio!

Happy 4th birthday, Lily!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 20:15:00 +0000

I miss you, baby.

Party Re-hash

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 10:25:00 +0000

So the party went awesome. Somehow everything happened according to schedule, although I admit that my closets are currently inaccessible, since I pretty much stuffed them full of the boxes and stacks 'o paper that I didn't have time to deal with at the last moment.

The Christmas lights I hung this morning were a hit, and filled in well for the candles I didn't light for the first couple of hours because there were babies in the house. Teething babies who like to put everything in their mouths. Every. Thing.

My bedroom, which I did clean after all, and very thoroughly, is still clean and I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time in there in the near future, albeit unconscious. The kitchen didn't fare so well, but the dishes are done already and I will take care of the floors and the tablecloth tomorrow.

All in all, though, I think this was the most relaxed party I have ever hosted. I'm not sure if it's because I managed to keep to my schedule so that when people started arriving I wasn't still rushing around trying to get things ready, or if I have magically passed some threshold of hostessing in which I know that everything I promised the guests is out on the table and if they want more, there's a supermarket nearby, so why dither and hover and worry about whether everyone has what they need, including a good time. In any case, I think everyone did have a good time, and if they didn't, well, maybe they can work on fixing that for next time.

But for now, I have 3 bottles of wine and 6 bottles of Fat Tire and a bottle of some juice drink that I can't drink. Wanna invite me to a party and I'll bring the liquid entertainment?? Woohoo!

Buenos noches!

Party! Blood sugar!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:08:00 +0000

Update!

I'm throwing a party this weekend. That's pretty much taken up all my spare thoughts and energy for the past 2 weeks as I use this event as motivation to finally get every single thing in my apartment clean for the first time since I moved in in Jan 2005. This includes pulling furniture away from walls so that I can sweep or vacuum behind them, wiping down the baseboards, dusting, throwing things out, moving other things into more appropriate places, etc.

I'm mostly done. The living room looks great (new couch! clean desk!), the kitchen does too (clean floor! clean fridge!), and I wiped down everything in the bathroom last night. My bedroom, however, is kind of scary and I fear that when people go in there to put down their coats and purses, no matter how clean and sparkly the rest of the apartment looks, their opinion of me is going to drop based on the state of the room in which I sleep.

Also, there are boxes I pulled out of my "fainting room" (aka, the random extra doorless closet) that I was supposed to go through last week and discard most of the contents. And I forgot to clean the hood over my stove. And I have to re-vacuum the living room. And did I mention the scary bedroom?

Anyway, the next few days will be rather busy, since I also have to do party stuff, not just everyday cleaning stuff - buy chips, dips, cheeses crackers and meats and drinks. Maybe hang some Christmas lights, get out all the candles I own (candlelit parties are the best - everyone looks great!).

In other news, I have a couch. The photos are off the camera, but haven't been uploaded to Flickr yet. They will be. Soon. Probably as a procrastination tactic as the pressure increases to Get Stuff Done Before The Party. It's a lovely couch, and very comfortable. Last Saturday was a whirlwind of activity, as only the day before I had found someone who wanted a futon. So instead of living with two large seating options in my living room for an unspecified length of time, we picked up the couch from SF, came back to Oakland, moved my futon out, moved the couch in (moving some paint onto the floor in the process), then went to another friend's, got his massive 200+ lb 35" tube tv out of his 2nd fl apartment, down the windy stairs and into my truck, and then it all went to the lucky person who, in one morning, got everything she's been scouring CL for for weeks.

Then I went home and fell asleep on the couch for 4 hours. And then I went to a birthday party for a 1 year-old that was not kid-themed at all. It was awesome.

Oh, and the best news of all: I finally went and got my A1C done this week, and I have brought it down from 8.2 in July to 6.5!! Most of the time, I feel like I'm not doing a very good job keeping my blood sugar in check, but this gives me a feeling of accomplishment and some hope that things aren't as bad as I feared.

Next week, I'm heading to Dallas for a week of not-relaxing. Then it's Thanksgiving! And then the Holiday Season™ starts, with concerts, parties, opera and ballet! And Christmas!

I'm having a great time. Hope you are too!

I miss my Lily

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:43:00 +0000

Lily at the park
Originally uploaded by Kristin

I don't miss my recent romantic relationship as much as I miss my niece. We have had vague indications that she may come to visit one day soon, but nothing definite. And as much as I hate waiting on others, I still feel hesitant about making any binding weekend plans for the next several weeks just in case I get the call to go Home. With my luck, they'll visit while I'm in Dallas, or throwing a party for 50 people or something.

And while I can't wait to see her, I know that she's grown up quite a bit in the year+ since I last saw her, and she probably won't remember me and we'll spend most of the visit just trying to make her feel comfortable, and then it'll be time for her to go just as it's finally getting good. Still, it would be nice.

Happy birthday, Patrick!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:57:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:55:00 +0000

Happy birthday, Mom!

(she's the tall, young, pretty one in the back)

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Halloween is going to suck this year

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:42:00 +0000

I thought it was going to be a good day. I mean, I had on the skinny jeans that are actually too big for me and the new shoes I bought yesterday THAT I LOVE ... what could go wrong? Let me tell you ...

1) so I was lazy yesterday and did not wrap Mom's gift and put it in a labeled box to be mailed first thing in the morning so it could get to her by Thursday when she leaves for Italy for 10 days. It's a journal for the trip, I think it is maybe a good idea if she has it *before* she gets on the plane. This isn't the wrong thing. After all, I like to take my Mondays slowly, ease into the week and work up to productivity, rather than tiring myself right out of the gate. So I thought I'd take a couple of rolls of wrapping paper into the office and wrap up the journals (I bought 2! so she could choose!), put them in a box I knew was in the office, and I'd be golden!

No trouble getting journals, purse, sweater and two unruly rolls of wrapping paper into the car. Getting out of the car, however, was more exciting, since I also had to juggle two sets of keys as well as everything else, and the paper on the rolls had come loose, making it hard to hold them together. Well, I dropped one of the sets of keys, and as I bent down - while walking - to pick it up, one of the paper rolls maneuvered itself around so that it hit the ground with one end, forcibly SHOVING the other end into my chest. Right in the middle. As in, any shirt I own that doesn't come to my neck will now prominently showcase the curiously round bruise centered above my cleavage. Awesome.

2) You have no idea how much that hurts. It's not crying hurt, like that time I accidentally stapled my thumb, or when that kitten bit almost all the way through my index finger, but HOLY FUCK, WHAT THE HELL, THAT HURTS hurt. So after about 15 minutes at my desk, wondering if I had fractured my sternum, I headed in into the bathroom to see the damage. It didn't (and doesn't) look nearly as bad as it feels. I headed back out of the bathroom, and that's when one of my brand new shoes decided to turn and almost dump me on the ground (ankle, ow).

3) Then, in the early afternoon, I was fiddling with a pen, not looking at it, thinking it had a cap on it, and stabbed myself in the palm with the ball point. That's when I decided to stop fiddling altogether. Stupid fiddling.

4) Then I thought I'd try to continue the "let's be friends" effort, and actually initiated an IM conversation with him towards the end of the afternoon. I should have known better, given how the day was going. The details of the conversation aren't important. The important thing is that I am finally facing the fact that I'm trying too hard to accommodate his well-intentioned desire to continue our relationship in a non-romantic context, even though I know I'm not really ready yet.

I'd like to be friends too. No one wants to spend 9 months with someone (even though the last three weeks wasn't really a relationship, I guess) and not have some friendship that should carry past the romantic breakdown. But as the one who was broken up with, I find I need a helluva lot longer than he does to feel comfortable sharing anything more than funny cartoon and youtube links over IM. This isn't new. It's not a revelation. It's not like I haven't been broken up with or done the breaking before. I guess I just keep hoping that next time it won't be so bad. I'll recover more quickly. Whatever.

So I spent the last half hour of my day crying at my desk. I'm glad he's moving on and improving his life with me out of it, and I'm working on the doing the same thing, but I don't need it rubbed in my face every other time we speak (online) that I'm the only one still feeling rejected and lonely here. (I should note that he's not doing this on purpose, he's not malicious at all. It just seems to keep happening.)

Everyone keeps telling me to take more time. I think now is the time to do just that.

So anyway, I did get the package in the mail (at the second post office I visited), and hopefully it'll get to my mother on Wednesday. Also got birthday stuff in the mail for my brothers - one should get there on time, the other is already a couple of weeks late, but I don't think he cares. I got a little bit of work done. And I made some decisions about my emotional life that will hopefully protect me a little and let me move on and maybe we can connect as better friends later, when I don't ~~feel like~~ cry~~ing~~ every time he tells me about his weekend.

Oh, also? I bought another pair of Skechers (to keep these and ... another pair that are black with a design that no one seems to sell any more company ... in my closet) and some surprisingly pretty and pretty comfortable bras this weekend. I also sold my redundant tv stand that has been sitting like a lump for MONTHs, holding my mail and other assorted crap, waiting to move on to hold other tvs for other people.

I think I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. Still not there yet, though. Working on it.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:16:00 +0000

The Librarian

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:42:00 +0000

Happy birthday Wendy!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:20:00 +0000

Happy birthday, baby brother!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristin) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:41:00 +0000

Surprisingly enough, this weekend has left me with more good news than bad:

Friday night was Girls' Night, since one of our group's husband was off to the Nine Inch Nails concert and she wanted to watch a movie that he would never consent to watching. We enjoyed The Matchmaker, a cute little movie, and had sandwiches and lots of baby time. Oh! And there was an earthquake!

Saturday I headed into the City on the ferry, visiting the Ferry Building farmers' market and the craft fair across the street. I didn't want to hang out till 5, so I walked down to Pier 41 to catch the next ferry back. Lucky me, this ferry (2:50 from Pier 41) swings by Angel Island, so we got the scenic tour on the way home. Once home, I showered, made a salad and watched "My Favorite Wife", another cute little movie. And then I made blueberry scones. Sort of. They're edible, but no one else will ever know.

Yesterday, I headed into the City again (this time in a car, which wasn't NEARLY as fun as the ferry) for the Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival. Obviously, I didn't eat much, but it was nice to be out in the sun and wind with a friend and a little bit of chocolate. Then we walked to Rose Pistola to watch some friends play a jazz while we ate an heirloom tomato, basil and mozzarella cheese pizza. Then I got to watch yet another cute oldie-moldy that constantly reminds me to take chance.

All in all, an excellent weekend. I vaguely remembered what it was like to enjoy being single. And I'm still feeling pretty good about things, so hopefully this signals a decrease in the emotional and physical lows I've been going through for the past few weeks. I'm tired of feeling crappy.

This weekend or next, we're thinking of going to Angel Island for the day. You're welcome to join us!

Also, don't forget that Shakespeare in the Park is going on now! I'll definitely be there this weekend coming up.

OH! And ... I have officially lost enough weight that I can now wear the ring my mother gave me when I graduated from undergrad. I haven't been able to wear this ring for years. Just a bit more, and I'll be able to wear my high school and Claddagh rings. Can't wait.